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A Close Analysis of Kristen Stewart’s Red Carpet Body Language

Press tours have never been easy for Kristen Stewart; she is famously fidgety, and often reluctant to talk about herself (especially when David Letterman is around). Add in her scandalous affair, very public apology, and newly-forgiving boyfriend standing on the red carpet right next to her, and you have the makings of a personal KStew nightmare.  Let us be clear: Kristen Stewart has handled herself extremely well on the Breaking Dawn — Part 2 press tour, only showing the slightest hint of frustration (when the Today show asked point blank about her relationship with Robert Pattinson). But there is certainly more that Kristen Stewart wants to tell us — and so Vulture’s resident Body Language Expert* has analyzed her recent appearances to translate her secrets to the world.

An auspicious beginning: the open palms suggest a certain pleading, like Kristen Stewart is trying really hard to be game for this carpet, and certain publicists keep ordering her to kiss Robert Pattinson.

Photo: JB Lacroix/WireImage

Less effort, more “did I bring a hair tie? Crap, no, I’m out of them. I should buy some on the way home. Oh, and I need some paper towels too. And chocolate-covered blueberries, for Rob. He likes those. Those will make him happy again.”

Photo: Dave J Hogan/Gety Images

This is what we call “not trying.”

Photo: Michael Murdock/Splash News

This is what we call “trying not to punch someone who keeps yelling, ‘How are things with Rob?’”

Photo: Fotonoticias/FilmMagic

The single raised finger is Kristen’s desperate message to the world: “one is the loneliest number, which I know from experience because my boyfriend may or may not have actually forgiven me for nuzzling that director on a hike.”

Photo: Splash News/Splash News

“Yup, the relationship is going just great.  I totally mean this. My teeth are not gritted.”

Photo: Splash News/Splash News

“Maybe if I make cool hand signs people will stop talking about my relationship.”

Photo: Neil Warner/Splash News

“Hey, it’s working!”

Photo: Michael Buckner/Getty Images

“I’m so happy to not be talking about my relationship that I forgot my shoes!”

Photo: Theo Wargo/Getty Images

Oops, that was going so well.

Photo: Peter Kramer/NBC

* We know absolutely nothing about body language.

An Analysis of K-Stew’s Red Carpet Body Language