Every week, Vulture faces the big, important questions in entertainment, and comes to some creative conclusions. This week, we overanalyzed that new Les Miz trailer so that we might tell you right now who will be collecting the Oscar this year, and, just for you, tracked down who would be writing the next Star Wars movie. We also pondered who to hold responsible for bringing back The Killing for a third season, and who to congratulate for wanting to relaunch Boy Meets World. In case you missed them, here are the conclusions we came to on these and more pressing questions.
Q: Who’s going to breathe life into the kids of Han Solo and Princess Leia?
A: Sources told us exclusively that Michael Arndt, who wrote the screenplays for Toy Story 3, Little Miss Sunshine and the upcoming Hunger Games sequel Catching Fire, will be writing Star Wars: Episode VII. We haven’t exactly heard about Solo’s spawn being a part of the deal yet, but think about what the children of Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher would be like! Exactly.
Q: Which smart person decided to revive The Killing ?
A: Like anyone will cop to that. But here’s what we do know: The dreary drama, which took two seasons to tell us who killed Rosie Larsen, is being brought back from the dead by both Netflix and AMC. Netflix is giving us Arrested Development so they get a pass for now.
Q: Same question: Which smart person decided to revive Boy Meets World ?
A: A Disney Channel executive in need of a promotion, that’s who. Plus, Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel are in talks to appear. It doesn’t get better than that.
Q: Who among the Les Miserables cast will get the Oscar?
A: It looks like a battle between Broadway vet Hugh Jackman, who pulls the chains that enslave him with anger, and Russell Crowe, master glowerer. (Anne Hathaway’s Crumple Face? No shot.)
Q: Should you get ready for an Urkel revival?
A: Yes. He’s having a moment.
Q: Does Matthew McConaughey really like taking his shirt off all the time?
A: “I do like doing it. And I’ll do it some more.” Oh, and he also said, “I’d love to get back in [Magic Mike’s] Dallas’s leathers.” So there you go.
Q: Hmm, when would be a good time for Alicia and Kalinda to kiss on The Good Wife?
A: Right about now. Over tequilas. We plotted out how and when they, along with New Girl’s Jess and Nick, Homeland’s Carrie and Quinn (yeah, we said Quinn), and several others should.
Q: Will Lori’s death on The Walking Dead bring about moody Carl?
A: Not sure, just we’re worried. Also, did anyone else watching Rick stagger around as the agonizer-in-chief think to themselves: “Hey, this reminds me of Monty Python’s ‘Dirty Fork’ sketch!” Just us then?
Q: Is Revolution a real hit?
A: Not only is it a hit for NBC, it’s the only breakout of the new season thus far. Airing behind The Voice might have something to do with that, but for now, the network should feel free to crow.