Gossip Girl Recap Recap: XOXO, Dan Humphrey

 “Gossip Girl is dead,” confessed Lonely Boy a.k.a. Foodle Owner a.k.a. Gossip Girl to the NJBC, Dorota, JXB, and Rufus as his Golden Girl turned Golden Retriever drooled lovingly by his side. After six years of cyberbullying, cyberstalking, and lying, Dan Humphrey finally revealed his inner teen mean girl — and somehow made it out alive of the episode without getting slapped or punched by his high-school idols. And while many commenters reeled at Dan’s “coming out,” the finale was about so much more than GG’s big reveal. Like every juicy train wreck that defined the final season’s episodes, the finale was stuffed with enough UES drama to keep most hearts at least semi-content.

In the span of an hour, Bart’s funeral happened and nobody cared; Chair cuddle-hid in a limo trunk and under bed sheets; the UES’s favorite uncle returned and got it on with Georgina, Queen of Spikes; Chair got married in sparkles, baby blue, and white; Lily clung onto WvDw at his first mention of “tea”; S never made it to L.A. and kept her cleavage rhombus in the UES; Ivy screeched her way back to the swamp; Nate ended up solo; Chair had a perfectly dapper baby; and Gossip Girl married his/her Golden Girl.

Commenters poured out every last drop of snark that they could muster for the show’s final episode (1,400 and counting). They squealed at Chuck doting on the suited-up Henry Bass; warmly welcomed the fresh Jackgina and Rufus-Loeb pairings; and drooled at scenes of the UES boys running in suits. All of the guest appearances — from Kristen Bell’s wink to Vanessa’s hair extensions — had viewers thrilled. Chair fans were not pleased with the couple’s lack of lovemaking, and Dan’s reveal had commenters making pacts to rewatch the entire series. Though the series has officially ended, the lingering questions on everyone’s mind include “Who is Chuck’s mother?” and “Where in the world is Scott?” And now, I use my last semicolon; read on for the Greatest Show of our Time’s final recap of the recap.

Realer Than Impending JPress-Rovzar Recap Withdrawal

• Plus 1 point for the Pon de replay Rihanna realness from the flashback scene. Also for subconsciously reminding us that much like Rihanna we too couldn’t quit a show that sometimes beat the shit out of us. In Flashback: Dan says he never saw Serena quite like that … i.e. drunk and probably fresh from snorting coke off some dude’s chest. —THEMISSINGSCARF

• Lily: We can do the same thing we did last time Bart died. Plus 20 for saying that with a straight face. Lily, you never change and I love. My ovaries exploded when Henry ran over to Chuck. Plus 5. Ed Westwick in a wig with the scarf. Plus 10. He’ll never have that hairline again and I miss it. —CHUCKISMYPUPPY

• Serena ensures that no one will outdo the bride by wearing gold spandex. +40 —NIKOLE0602

• Now we know why Dan’s hair is so big. —KATEA

• Eleanor and Chuck dote on the (predictably adorable and impeccably attired) child while Blair basically ignores it. +4 –BETCHPLZ

• Plus 100 for Ed Westwick in the pre-show saying he has an ascot before Chuck, and that he feels like he can’t wear it anymore since it is now Chuck’s thing. —CHIYORK

• Chuck: “Three words, eight letters.”  Blair: ”Three letters, one word. Yes!” BEST. WEDDING. VOWS. EVER!!!! Chair Perfection. I teared up, I admit it. Plus ALL THE POINTS. And double that for Henry Bass! —LIMOSANDSCHEMES

• Nate spent the entire episode trying to use his journalism skills, color-coded note cards, and a variety of charts and graphs to unmask Gossip Girl for a grand Spectator exposé, and in the end he had nothing until Dan literally handed the story to him. Plus 20. But Jessica Pressler did not end up being Gossip Girl, so Minus 20. Wash. —ASTORIAX

• Dan’s most authentic voice is teenage girl. Plus 5. —BROOKLYN_FOR_LIFE

• “Uncle Jack’s here to help” and Blair immediately covers herself. Creepy Uncle Jack. +3 —CHUCKBASSISMYBABYDADDY

• Serena’s cleavage rhombus, plus 25. Definite shout out to US! —YOUANDWHOSEARMY

• Rather than endure being widowed for more than 3.5 seconds, Lilly turns to an ex-husband to fill the man void in her life. No worries, Rufus, when William inevitably meets his untimely end in the form of a dramatic drowning/falling off building/car accident/plane sabotage/OD while partying with Serena, it’ll be your turn again. —KSUKATE_05

• The expression on Penn’s face when Blake came down the stairs was like “awesome. I get to pretend to get married to the woman who dumped me and then ran off and secret married Ryan Reynolds. Well, at least she looks horrible in that dress.” +10 —CHESTERCOPPERPOT

• Re: Georgina’s comment that Dan’s the only one of them who owns a hoodie: Has she never seen this? NEVER FORGET. —ANDREAZUCKERMANVASQUEZ

• I for one very much enjoyed Dan coming out last night, and was very proud we got to see part of his commitment ceremony with Nate. At first I thought he was marrying Serena but then I remembered how much she likes standing up in white and yellow dresses at gay weddings. Wash. —MACARONSANDSCOTCH

• Blair’s second wedding dress and hair were gorge. Much improved over her wedding to Prince Louis-ith. +70—FAKENAMEISGOODENOUGHFORME

• Plus 10 for Aunt Georgina Bass! —LULA34

• Nate and Sage spend days connecting the dots and uncover … absolutely nothing. Plus 1,000,000 —BOHEMIENNE

•  When Chuck is rushing Cyrus to marry him and Blair, he says, “Can we just skip to the I do part”. Plus 500 for having one last reference to the Princess Bride —SHPOOKY

• Of course Henry is wearing a mini version of a suit & bowtie his dad wore to de-virginize his mom. Plus 8. A preliminary plus 10 to Mayor Nate Archibald if he lobbies to legalize marijuana in NY State. —JJOVANA3 

• MILO SPARKS AND HENRY BASS new lords of the UES!! —MAYAPAPAYA

• Eleanor is like “it’s not like they killed someone” and Cyrus and Dorota both give her sad little pats on the back like “Oh honey.” Plus 50 because Dorota has seen Blair nearly murder girls over wearing tights as pants and Bart kept her celibate for a whole season. Murder was the only way that was ever going to end. —FEED_THE_DUCKS

• So the Rhodes women’s happy ending is settling down with men who have manipulated and emotionally abused them, and in one case, given them fake cancer?! Yeah, that feels right. Plus 50, because who needs self-respect when you have impeccable highlights, am I right, ladies?

• The once-again Greatest Show of Our Time banished Vanessa so hard she apparently ended up in the ‘50s. I approve. Plus 10—TRUMPETSTRUMPET

• Georgina and Jack Bass are a perfect match made in hell. Plus ALL THE POINTS. —DIAMONDTIARA14

• Henry, Chuck and Blair’s son, is wearing a tux, a purple and white striped dress shirt, a purple paisley bow tie, and a purple boutonniere. My heart just melted, I am literally a pile of goo. Plus 10000.

• “Look how smart you are!” Chuck exclaims to his son. WEEPING. PERFECTION. I CAN’T EVEN. Plus 1000 because Chuck finally has the family he always wanted and deserved. —PURPLEBOWTIE

• Dorota scurrying to make sure Blair’s train doesn’t drag the ground as she is being led away by the police for questioning in Bart’s death — plus 3, because priorities. —ALT19

• Once you get past the initial shock and basic Dan hatred, the reveal that he’s Gossip Girl actually makes sense. It certainly explains GG’s crappy puns, pathetic attempts at wit and overall crappy writing. Plus 30 for character consistency —APATHYONMYSIDE

• Plus 1000 for Rufus saying “It could have been me” when talking about Gossip Girl. LOL, Rufus , LOL —ZXC11

• Rufas got into art for his first wife, botox for Lily, and glasses for Lisa Loeb. Plus 10 —MOCKINGBIRD

• While I am obviously furiously angry with the GG reveal, it is sort of priceless that Penn had to fake-marry his ex-girlfriend on TV. The disgusted look on Penn’s face was terrific. —CHARENTON_

• Georgina and Jack totally eye-banged each other while talking outside the limo. +2 They probably banged when she got in the car. Plus 2—AMALA83

• Lily’s comment about just using the same funeral service as last time for Bart was classic. You keep doing you, Lily - don’t ever change (and I mean that). Plus two bottles of Tanqueray 10. –CHUCKBASSLOVE

• Four men attended Blair’s wedding and she had sex with all of them. Well, this is Gossip Girl, so REAL —TIMEIA

• Lisa Loeb released an children’s book/album last year called “The Disappointing Pancake” — this makes her and Rufus together so real I can’t even fathom it. Plus 20 —TINEMUNK

• Lily’s shocked face and happy face are exactly same: immobile. Plus 5 —PIECEOFBASS

• Bloomberg knows Dorota! Plus 10 —BANGA

• It took the culmination of 6 seasons, 121 episodes, and 7260 minutes to teach us what we all already knew: Dan has been, and always will be, a whiny b*tch. God bless the recap commenters. God bless us every one. —NYMAG_FAN

• Blair to Chuck: “One way or another, we both achieved our goals.” Blair watches as her fashions fly off the rack; Chuck watches as his father flies off a building. Same dif. Plus 5.

• A preliminary plus 10 to Mayor Nate Archibald if he lobbies to legalize marijuana in NY State. —ISLANDIA

• Plus a million for the adorableness of Baby Bass but minus 10 for him not getting to say “I’m Henry Bass” with scowl. —MONKEYISMYHOMEBOY

• Plus 25 for Rachel Bilson and Veronica Mars and MAYOR BLOOMBERG! They really went out in style. —MARLASINGER

• When Serena slipped her hand in Dan’s and lovingly said “we’re family,” somewhere in Boston, Scott felt an eerie shiver run down his spine. Plus 10 —AMIBBDOS

• It’s suddenly clear why those Gossip Girl voice-overs were so self-important, so effortful, so wordy, yet so utterly incomprehensible: Dan was writing them! Of course! Plus 121 episodes of Gossip Girl making absolutely zero sense. —GAME_RECOGNIZES_GAME

• Chuck’s limo driver is always named “Arthur”, even though it’s obviously different men who have held that role. Plus 3—Chuck Bass can’t be bothered to remember new names. —BRANDIE_LARUE

• Georgina hooked herself a Bass. Plus 50. —STILETTO33

• Plus all 6 seasons for Dorota from scrambling to pick up Blair’s train to giving her drink order and everyone justifiably thinking she was GG … she was the hardest worker on that show. —GGEQUALSLUVNY

• In the final episode, Serena’s cleavage rhombus is open and all the secrets are revealed. Plus 4 sides of the rhombus for Eric Daman’s impeccable storytelling through clothing —COLBYELLIZABETH

• Plus 500 for LITTLE J wearing the same color as the bride as a last, subtle middle finger to Serena. —THEARROGANTHIPSTER

• Dan hasn’t made a single new wedding-worthy friend in the last five years. Plus 10 - we all know it’s lonely at the top… —RICHAOD

• Dorota orders Jack around. And Jack loves it. Plus 20.

• Dan: “I’ve always tried to do the right thing.” Lack of self awareness, check. Being smug, check. Not a smidgen of guilt about being a crazy stalker, check. Plus 10 for being consistently douchey till the very end. —KANGAROOTATTOO

• I am gonna go ahead and say it: Dan as Gossip Girl is the best thing the writers on this show have ever done. Why? Because they revealed that one of the core characters of the show, a character many people dare I say, loved, was actually an obsessive, stalking, SOCIOPATH this ENTIRE time. AWESOME. Lets imagine if this actually happened in real life: A young man wants so desperately to be accepted and talked about by his peers that he creates a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT IDENTIDY ( one of a teenage girl nonetheless) and decides to become the narrator and plot driver of their own lives. He uses them, feeds them information, ruins and revives reputations. He takes Serena Van Der Woodsen, his obsession, and makes her a socialite sensation. He posts negatively about himself, feeding off the attention he gets. He posts horrible things about his “friends” to thicken his life’s “story” including:

1. that him and his ex girlfriend share a sibling and that he is screwing a teacher, causing Serena to break up with him and his school to pay attention to him
2. that Blair is pregnant, and that the father could be Chuck, Louis or Dan himself.
3. He calls Serena irrelevant, causing her to self implode, not go to college, and slut around with her Daddy Issues. 
4. He reports about Nates father, causing peers to turn against Nate whom they used to admire. 
5. He blackmails Diana Payne, Nate and the Spectator. 
6. THE GUY IS A FULL ON PSYCHOPATH. and it.is.AWESOME. 
7. And the fact that Serena married him, and everyone else seemed kind of ok with it, and didn’t report him to the police for stalking, cyber-stalking, spreading slander and blackmailing them for five years is even better. What a group of sickos. PLUS ALL THE POINTS—RHODESRHOMBUS

• Chuck’s job is to “stay out of sight,” hence the sparkly bow tie and white tux. PLUS 5, because the man loves his flair. —VARTA

• In the flashback we see a stoned Nate, a womanizer Chuck, a Bitchy Blair, and a sutle drunk Serena plus 40 because it really felt like it was the first season for a moment —TATOGIRON2004

• Gossip Girl’s incoherent nonsense over the years is more evidence that Dan has been a terrible writer this whole time. Plus 500.—PURPLEANDGREEN

• Guys, do you think Lola played herself in the stage version of Ivy’s autobiography? If so, way to stretch yourself. Plus 1 (dimensional).—24YANKS

• The TV reporter says that Bart’s death follows “a series of bizarre events.” Do you think she’s referring to when Blair made a teacher late for the opera, or when Chuck became a crippled French pauper, or perhaps that time when Jenny binged cancer? Plus 50. —TEENYTINYTELLY

• Plus 10 for every one of the main characters getting arrested at some point. Plus 10 more because Chuck was the only one in jail twice, which is absolutely no surprise but still awesome. —NURSELUVBASS

• Blair’s smile in her final shot was one of complete contentment with just a hint of superiority. All hail the queen! Plus all the points to Leighton.—KAT09

• Serena finishes off the series by marrying the one person who was more obsessed with her than herself. Real. Plus 50.—SCHEMINGWITHSCONES

• Serena the UES princess waited until 27 to get married and we’re supposed to believe she was with Dan that whole time? I’m choosing to believe she had to first marriage… To Carter Baizen, which explains why he wasn’t at her 2nd wedding. Problem solved.—MONKEYANDMACARONS

• Of course it had to be JACK that breaks to news of Chuck’s upcoming nuptials to Blair. He’s the only one who understands how conflicted that Nate would feel. Plus 40 —ANUNKINDRAVENBASS

• The guy who is now supposed to be the New Chuck Bass (limo, scarf, sexy/evil look) looks like the love child of Nate and Chuck. Plus 50 if he is. —MELALSABAH

• So Blair assumed GG was Dorota and never bothered to interrogate her, even when GG was posting excerpts of Blair’s diary? Obviously, even Queen B bows down to the power of Dorota. +100 —GINSOAKEDCECE

• I enjoyed the finale, but I’m more than a little pissed that the writers couldn’t give us a phantom Cece in the background of the last scene, chugging gin and cackling as she fans herself with Ivy’s movie poster. —CHILLANTHROPIST

Faker Than High School Dan’s Chest Hair

• Serena thought Rufus was Gossip Girl. As if he has time in between making waffles and organizing his plaid shirts. Minus 2 —HOYAGIRL05

• Chuck rocking the Colonel Sanders look at his own wedding. Plus or minus 100, depending on your perspective. —KATEA

• Minus 5 for being denied a last “I’m Chuck Bass.” —CHIYORK

• Serena looked like a giant Ferrero Rocher in her wedding dress. Minus 20.

• The last shot showed just how effed up this show is: We’ve got Dan up there getting married while his former lovers Blair and Georgina sit and watch. Lily sits mere feet away from Jack, the man who once tried to rape her. Oh, and she sits next to the man who gave her fake cancer but now is her lover? Chuck smiles at his stepsister Serena whom he once tried to sexually assault, while looking at Little J, whose virginity he took. Then there’s Nate who has slept with Blair, Serena, and kissed Jenny, but winds up alone. Oh, and Blair’s new uncle Jack is also a former lover. Also, Lisa Loeb was there for some reason. Minus 100. —ABBY_E

• I dont know whether to add or deduct points for Jack’s cheekbones, all I know is that you can cut lines of coke with those babies. —THEMISSINGSCARF

• Minus 20 for Nate running for mayor. Nate could never be mayor anywhere, except on Foursquare. —YOUGOGLENCOCO

• Little Henry Bass was adorable, but spawned by the two palest people on the UES. Are we sure Bart is really dead or does self-tanner just come with the Bass genes? No points, just asking … —BROOKLYN_FOR_LIFE

• In the future the spectator has its own jet … because the newspaper business is only looking up? Minus 20. Let’s ask the NY Times about this.

• Chuck has done more running in the last 3 episodes than the previous 6 seasons combined. Minus 10. Still uncomfortable. —CHUCKISMYPUPPY

• WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT WHERE WAS SCOTT —SABBOTAGE

• They could have at least buttoned up Dan’s shirt for the flashback. No 16 year old has chest hair like that. Minus 20 —NIKOLE0602

• “Gossip Girl is dead” Ugh, can she take Dan with her? Minus 2 —ALITTLEFALLOFRAIN

• It looked like Georgina ended up with Jack Bass in the final scene? Which is plus 15 for realism but minus a billion for gross. Also pretty sure their child would be the anti-Christ. Also minus ten because Bloomberg doesn’t care about these idiots. He’s got a soda ban to enforce—WONKERS

• Minus 100 Million for NO CHAIR HONEYMOON. Adorable bow tie-wearing five-year-olds don’t come from nowhere, people. —CHESTERCOPPERPOT

• Minus 10 for Eleanor’s shouting an inappropriate “Why does everyone look like they’re here for a funeral?” with attendant Lily in her mourning black. —ELLECAT

• “You have always been the one” says Dan, leaving out the time when he was in love with Blair Waldorf for all of seasons 4 & 5. Minus Dan.

• Dan was so committed to his role hiding the fact he was gg that he even acted surprised about posts when he was alone and then told himself things contradicting his role as gossip boy. Especially that time when he posted about Serena’s pregnancy test and freaked out. Or when someone sent in the picture of nate and jenny kissing and Dan only looked surprised when it appeared on the gg website? Or when he asked gossip girl to help find Serena because he has a split personality? Or when Serena got her groove back in season 2 and gossip girl spent episodes insulting Dan? Or when Dan said he didn’t want to exploit people in order to become a better writer? Dan being shocked meeting Georgina when he would have known her from Serena’s fun coke days? Remember that Stephanie Savage? Oh wait! I think you don’t. Minus you. —MACARONSANDSCOTCH

• Minus 10 for Rufus not ending up with his one true love, Vanessa. —KFRIED

• Minus 18 (years of age) for Nate telling the cop that Sage is underage. Ummmm poor sweet Nate, has the lip spread to your brain? —BOTB

• I find it hard to believe (understatement of the year) that Jenny would know that Dan is GG and not use that knowledge for her personal gain -minus the number of GG episodes —THISUSERNAMEISTAKEN

• Also, Serena and Nate could have happened. Should have happened. And since it didn’t happen, why the hell didn’t Nate end up with someone at all? Minus 1000 —FANCYONLIFE

• The most unrealistic part of the whole episode: that anyone would ever think Nate was smart enough to be Gossip Girl. I still think the Spectator might be written in crayons. Minus 100 —FEED_THE_DUCKS

• Why wasn’t Dan’s sanity called into question after it was revealed that he was Gossip Girl? Doesn’t the fact that he stalked his classmates, friends, and girlfriend for six years, sabotaged his own life in order to attain internet fame, and referred to himself as “lonely boy” warrant at least a day trip to the Pedowitz institute/Offstroff Center? Minus 10000 —PURPLEBOWTIE

• Scott didnt attend the wedding because he was unsure on which side of the family to sit on. Minus 4. Screw “who the Gossip Girl is” mystery, I wanna know how Arthur went from chubby white guy to thin black dude! - no points. —JJOVANA3

• Apparently reading instruction manuals for waffle irons will kill your eyesight over the years. Minus 100 for Rufus’ weird glasses—XRAYCHICKEN

• Minus 26 for Chuck saying, “Anyways … ” when talking to Jack. Anyways!? No. A St. Jude’s boy would never. —14A

• Minus 40 for rushed story lines. If they would have completely cut out the Steven/Sage portions of this season maybe the escape/proposal/wedding/arrests/release would have been fleshed out a bit more. —14A

• Okay, I fought it, but I have to do this: BUT WHO THE HELL IS CHUCK’S MOM??? —TIMEIA

• Making Dan Gossip Girl was the writers’ last, leaving no stones unturned, attempt to make Dan happen. When are you going to get it, GGW? Dan is NEVER going to happen. Minus 1000.

• Only CB sex we got this season was in 6x01. Minus all the points in the world. Yes, I am #foreverbitter about that.—KANGAROOTATTOO

• Who knew Nate would turn out to be the true “Lonely Boy?” No points. —24YANKS

• If the hair and makeup team can work enough wig magic to create a Humphrey flashback buzzcut, could they not have also created a bald cap for Dan’s chest? Minus the entire makeup budget. —ISLANDIA

• If Dan and Serena have a child, what is Scott’s relation to the kid? Uncle? Brother? Minus 10 because I actually drew this out—PIECEOFBASS

• Minus 100000 for Little J’s J by Waldorf’ bag at he end. While Blair MAY hire minions, past and future, to design for her, she’d never hire Tim Burton Barbie. —JHAWK12

• Dan manages to convince a homeless man to lend him a suit for C&B’s wedding plus 5 because he tried. Minus 100 because he failed —BABYINASTRAIGHTJACKET

• Plus 15 for a clever reveal that will force everyone to watch syndicated episodes of the show to find the hints that Dan was GG. But Minus 15 because it’ll take us all about 14 seconds to realize that these hints don’t exist, and that this reveal was pulled out of thin air about three weeks ago.

• So, wash. —DANSHAIRGEL

• Chuck’s wedding bow tie is made from Blair’s dress. Minus 50 Are we going to prom or to hell? —MOCKINGBIRD

• They couldn’t have given us one last Chair sexy scene?? Minus my sexual frustrations … —GGEQUALSLUVNY

• According to Dan, Jenny KNEW he was Gossip Girl? Yeah, minus 10 for ever being able to keep that quiet. —MAYOKETCHUP

• Serena marrying her obsessive internet stalker gets a LOT more disturbing when you realise the real-life equivalent would be Lindsay Lohan wedding Perez Hilton. IMAGINE THEIR CHILDREN —RICHAOD

• With all of the cameos of characters past, a little disappointed Rufus’ waffles didn’t make the final episode. Not even a stack of them for Dan & Serena’s wedding cake :( Minus 10 —ILOVELINCOLNHAWK

• “If I have to exploit people to be a good writer, then maybe I don’t want to be a good writer.” –Dan in Season 2, Episode 5. GG, YOU FAIL. MINUS ALL OF THE POINTS EVER. —CHARENTON_

• Minus 5000 for Lola being in Ivy’s movie. Who is Lola playing? Her cousin Serena? The con-artist that pretended to be her? Herself? Seriously. Inception was less confusing. —GGS

• My fiancé, watching the retrospective: “I don’t think Josh Schwartz should be so pleased with this thing he created.” Later, as Chuck and Blair searched for a place to get away from the crowd: “Wouldn’t there be a subway station nearby? Minus 2 points.” —PURPLEANDGREEN (FIANCE)

• No “I’m Blair Bass”. That would have been heaven. Minus 5.

• In order for Dan to be Gossip Girl, he would be required to use technology from the 21st century. However, he hasn’t touched a computer since 2010. Minus 35.

• Five years later and Nate’s lip is still a mess. Dude can afford a private jet but not plastic surgery. Minus 20. —BRANDIE_LARUE

• Not only did Ivy get away with fraud but she wrote a book about it & scored a movie deal! Minus 50 swamp people —SHAMUSHKA

• Serena doesn’t remember meeting Dan. If only WE would have been so lucky. Minus 50. —STILETTO33

• Chuck didn’t say “I’m Chuck Bass” A SINGLE TIME in the finale. Minus 10 —ALITTLEFALLOFRAIN

• Jenny would have sold out her brother in a second for new eyeliner. Minus 20 —ANUNKINDRAVENBASS

• Why was Serena using Blair’s phone from season 1 in the flashback to the party? Blair got Serena’s old hand me down phone? No. Just no. Waldorf doesn’t play that. Minus 15 —RHODESVDWOODSENBASSHUMPHREY

• Georgina asks in amazement of Dan & Serena, “What have you been doing for 12 hours?” Are we to believe that D & S had a 12 hour conversation…hell, even a 2 hour conversation…about the same subject without Serena needing a nap and a cocktail? She is a Rhodes, after all. Minus 20 —GINSOAKEDCECE