dramatic exits

How Will Girls Write Charlie Off?

Photo: HBO

So, Christopher Abbott is leaving Girls, which means Charlie won’t be around for season three. Sorry, stubble enthusiasts! But how will they explain Charlie’s exit? Let’s gaze into Vulture’s crystal ball and think about the ways Girls might kill off — or just write off, womp womp — Marnie’s sad, sad paramour.

  • Suffocated by Marnie’s neediness.
  • Suffocated by too-tight jeans.
  • Suffocated by turtleneck.
  • His weird cubby bed collapsed, killing him.
  • His weird cubby bed became very popular on Apartment Therapy and he moved to Portland.
  • Bikes off bridge.
  • Bikes to Portland.
  • Explosion at app office.
  • App so popular Charlie gets crushed to death at SXSW.
  • Death by oversquinting.
  • Headband girlfriend poisoned him with artisanal mustard.
  • Broke both thumbs while trying to snap suspenders, had to move back in with his parents to recover.
  • Remember his band? They went on tour. Ha-ha.
  • He decided to go to graduate school. Ha-ha.
  • Beard infection.
  • Moped to death with Ray.
  • The siren song of Oberlin called him back to Ohio.

Just some ideas.

How Will Girls Write Charlie Off?