Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.
(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)
Brian Gaar (@briangaar) is an Austin-based standup that was kind enough to elaborate on a few of his funniest tweets. White people in their twenties who enjoy New Girl and believe everything the government tells them might have their world about to be rocked.
“Every time I look at her, I think ‘Oh my god, that IS my card!!!’”
“I just had a daughter and this is probably the kind of dad I’ll be – the idiot trying to fit in with teenagers. ‘Hey kids, let’s play some Mario Kart!! Where are you guys going? I’ve three-starred every track…’”
“A lot of my standup is based on being a mid-30s curmudgeon. I’m not old, but I definitely can see the handwriting on the wall. And I’m already noticing that I’m more and more disconnected from pop culture; I don’t know any new bands and I get annoyed if someone was born after 1990.”
“This is from my standup, it’s part of a larger bit about white privilege. It just reminded me of being a small-town kid, waving at cops when they drove by. Then the older you get, you realize that other races probably don’t have that same experience.”
“I love conspiracy theorists because none of them can let it go. If you have a buddy who is into the Illuminati, he’ll bring it up in every conversation. I have a whole series of tweets based on Sesame Street characters who are 9/11 Truthers.”
Not just from Sesame Street.
Mario Kart seems to be an obsession of Gaar’s. And rightfully so because that game holds up.
He shouldn’t be killed over it. You particularly don’t want to murder Gaar anyway.
Maybe if you ate your egg sandwich somewhere else you wouldn’t be having such dark thoughts.
Odds are Brian will die prematurely anyway.
Gaar has had his problems with the police before.
It’s safe to say the cops aren’t fans of his.
Brian is used to people not appreciating his sense of humor.
Despite being incredibly white.
It makes Gaar depressed.
Until a unicycle comes along.
His children are a source of frustration.
Everybody knows you shouldn’t bunt in that situation!
Gaar isn’t rich.
So he can’t purchase anything organic.
Or have cursed dogs.
Or cute cats.
His music collection consists of blatant knockoffs.
Brian just needs to touch up that screenplay of his, and it’ll all work out.