Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.
(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)
Alison Stevenson (@JustAboutGlad) is a stand-up comedian, writer, radio show co-host, viner, and most importantly to us at this very moment in time, a funny tweeter. Alison was nice enough to shed some light on the etymology of some of her tweets.
“This is kind of a weird one to explain. I was in a sex shop and overheard one of the employees
recommend to a customer she buy lube with a water based solution. As soon as I heard that I wondered what the heck ‘water based solution’ meant. Then my mind immediately went to thoughts of suicide as per usual.”
“Yeah I often think about the weird things I would do for money. They’re usually on a much grander scale like if I would marry a dolphin for a million dollars (yes). At this point in my life, fifty dollars is a lot of money to me and cardboard doesn’t look that unappetizing.”
“This actually happened.”
“What can I say? I love trees and I love boners. One day I was like, OH SHIT trees ARE boners. Honestly, I don’t know how I have any followers.”
“This is one of the only well thought-out jokes I have ever written. Knowing me there is a good chance the tweet right before this was ‘I’m horny’ and the one after it was ‘just farted’. I was repeating the phrase “what am I, chopped liver?” in my head because I thought it was funny, and hadn’t heard it in a long time. I started thinking that chopped liver must be going through some existential crisis. That’s how the idea to bring in philosophers came about.”
Actually, this was her very next tweet:
Alison is about to get drunk.
And it might not be pretty.
She might start watching Two and a Half Men.
Whiskey is her drink of choice.
She may be drunk, but she is not high.
She is a model employee.
But her job isn’t as great as some other jobs.
Alison’s dad is super into cool bands like The National.
But the father’s love of music apparently didn’t get passed down a generation.
She does appreciate Justin Bieber though.
Alison is a seductress.
She doesn’t appreciate art.
Or trust men.
Stevenson doesn’t mind, because she is rich.
She also knows the secret words to get a free fedora.
Alison has started a petition.
It made her gynecologist laugh.