Okay, before we get to the explosion of rainbow-puking unicorns that was Rayna and Deacon this week, can we talk about the merciless and surgically precise way with which the show disposed of both Stacey and Sue the dog?
Awww, puppy! I thought, when Sue made a surprise appearance in this week’s show. Huh, didn’t think we’d see her again, I thought, when Stacey let herself into Deacon’s apartment. (To apologize for overreacting about Rayna. Girl, check yourself before you wreck yourself.) And then Stacey got dumped and left in an angry and betrayed huff, and Sue whined a bit and Deacon was all, “Just take him. He’s better off with you anyway.” And with that, both actress Susan Misner and the ASPCA have left the building.
That was cold, show.
Oh well, I’m going to miss Deacon cuddling with that puppy. But at least we had the more than compensatory pleasure of Deacon cuddling with Rayna. Yes, although they wasted no time throwing some obstacles in their way — as you clever commenters guessed last week, it’s really all about Maddie —Deacon and Rayna were like a couple of teenagers in heat. Did someone say stolen kisses in a supply closet? Yes, please! And nobody approves. (Are they all blind?) Tandy points out, buzz-killingly, that Rayna just got out of a fourteen-year marriage. And Coleman thinks, annoyingly, that Rayna is Deacon’s addiction. (Did you ever notice that Coleman and Deacon seem to have all their conversations on the stairs of Deacon’s house? Is Coleman a vampire whom Deacon is afraid to let past his threshold?)
But the biggest naysayer, of course, is Teddy, who makes Rayna swear that she will never tell Deacon about Maddie. (At least I think that’s what he said. Frankly, I had a hard time concentrating in that scene because I was trying to figure out why Rayna was dressed like Hugh Hefner … was that a smoking jacket or a silk bathrobe or what?) Also, I get it and everything, but the show really laid it on thick with the whole Teddy-is-the-bestest-father-ever routine. That father-daughter dance was a bit much.
Rayna feels guilty about keeping this enormous secret from Deacon and he senses her reticence, and they have a fight, which somehow manages to result in Deacon quitting Juliette’s band (again) and storming out to his car, where he is so overcome with anger that he honks his horn loudly. (That’s not a euphemism. He actually honks his horn loudly.) This all leads to a confrontation in the backseat of Rayna’s limo (also an excellent spot for kissing, btw) where Deacon says the most Deacon-y things ever. I mean, he practically fills up a whole volume of Deacon’s Man Wisdom. But we’ll get to that in a bit.
Did you ever think to yourself: What would Hayden Panettiere look like in a high school production of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Well, you have your answer! Juliette is drowning her Dante sorrow in mimosas (loved that she thinks alcoholism doesn’t count if the drink is fun enough) and getting blowsier and more reckless with each chug. Even the news that she has been nominated for Best Female Artist at the CMAs — up against Rayna, y’all! — doesn’t appease her. In fact, she goes on a crazy bobblehead bender, as one does. After Deacon quits, she recruits Avery to play the guitar for the CMA nomination party. Then she gets all sloppy and kisses Avery and he rejects her, which is possibly the greatest thing Avery has every done. “Great, I can’t even pick up a roadie,” Juliette mutters. Love. Her. (I also appreciated the fact that, despite being drunk, Juliette pulled off her song like a pro. I’ve heard tell of actual recording artists who’ve performed while drunk, but maybe that’s just a rumor.)
Also losing it? Gunnar. In all the excitement over the Will-Gunnar kiss last week, I forgot to mention the other big piece of Gunnar news: He sang one of his dead brother’s outlaw songs and attracted the attention of a record producer. But the producer isn’t interested in Gunnar’s sensitive, twee little country songs. He wants more of that “raw, crazy” sound. So now Gunnar is stealing his dead brother’s songs. This should end well. As for Will? God, he was so dear this week, hanging around the apartment eagerly and sheepishly, checking to make sure Gunnar still likes him (not so much). “Am I witnessing the death of the bromance?” Scarlett says, noticing the tension between them. “Don’t use that word,” Gunnar snaps.
Okay, a few random riffs before we get to Deacon’s Man Wisdom™:
• Did Deacon compare his penis to a “little canoe” in that supply closet, or am I losing it?
• Loved the mini-showdown between Juliette and Rayna at the party. “The perfume you’re wearing is 80 proof,” Rayna hisses, as they make nice for the cameras. (More of that please, show!)
• Uh-oh. I don’t think Dante is referring to Scotch tape when he tells Juliette there’s a tape of some sort.
• Coleman quit as Deputy Mayor. (Felt obligated as your recapper to mention that.)
• My local news station just ran the following promo: “Can you get Nashville hair with over-the-counter products?” Let me spoil that for you, ladies: Each strand of Connie Britton’s hair has been individually forged by 10,000 angels. But good luck with those over-the-counter products!
Now, back to the scene in Rayna’s limo where the Man Wisdom flows like mimosas in Juliette’s trailer. Deacon tells Rayna he’s willing to let her keep her secrets. He says the following three things in succession:
1. “You and me got so much damn water under our bridge, sometimes it’s like we’re drownin’ in it.”
2. “All that matters is you and me. Right here, right now.”
3. “You can tell me everything. You can tell me nothing at all. But you can’t tell me you don’t love me. ‘Cause that’s one thing I will never believe.”
I need a cigarette.
Later, Deacon and Rayna sing a duet on his bed where Deacon is staring so dreamily at Rayna as he strums, it’s almost a parody of THIS. “I wish we had done this years ago,” Deacon says. “Who knows. We might’ve have had a family of our own right now.” Cut to Rayna looking guilty as hell.
Next week, according to the promo, someone is driven to kill? This makes me nervous, show. Very, very nervous.