Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.
(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)
Michael Scarpa (@dammitbabies), more well known on the twittersphere by the decidedly funnier moniker of Søren Twerkegaard, was kind enough to fill us in on the stories behind some of his funniest tweets.
‘What’s cooler than cool?’ You venture: Ice Cold? “No.” Andre 3000 turns to face you. “Betrayal,” he sneers. Your heart stops. He knows.— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) May 1, 2013
“This one just kind of popped into my head this way, basically fully formed. I don’t usually do tweets like this but it was just a really funny scenario to me so I went with it. I don’t even know with this one.”
ten years ago we had johnny cage, sub zero, and scorpion. now we have zero scorpions in a cage. who left the scorpion cage open— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) March 21, 2013
“I was trying to make fun of all the ‘ten years ago we had cash/jobs/hopes’ jokes floating around which were themselves making fun of the original joke… I was just trying to be glib and dumb. That’s how a lot of my jokes start to be honest, they often start from a place that’s kind of opposed to or tired of the format and end up completely falling into it.”
don’t even talk to me until you’ve painstakingly navigated my shifting labyrinth of erratic moods and unreasonable, uncommunicated demands— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) June 3, 2013
“I was thinking about how the whole ‘don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my coffee’ idea was basically saying ‘haha I’m addicted to this stuff, deal with it idiots’ so I just kinda took that idea to a more deconstructed place and also kind of the way I get when I’m in a bad mood.”
an episode of fear factor where they just read you carefully chosen facts about your life until you break down and storm off the set— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) May 20, 2013
“There are times when I feel life’s great and others when I’m not very happy with it, and that comes largely from what version of my life I’m looking at - what’s more in focus from my past and present, and how I string those things together, and then just imagining how bad almost any life could be made to look by stringing the worst things about it together in a stressful context.”
First, do no harm. Second, go ahead, do some harm, you’ve earned it.— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) July 19, 2013
“Mostly it’s just a funny reversal of the phrase also just taking that out of context and imagining somebody who needs a mantra to manage doing harm. If you have to work that hard at anything, every once in a while you need to let go and blow off some steam.”
It’s important for Søren to blow off some steam after a long day of arduous labor.
I see you smiling at each other, construction workers. Looks like what you’re really building on this beautiful sunny day.. is a friendship.— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) April 16, 2013
He finds fishing to be a relaxing exercise.
Teach a man to fish, he’ll eat for a lifetime. Teach a DOG to fish *record scratch* That’s right-he’s back! in.. Air Bud: Allure of the Deep— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) June 13, 2013
Camping however can be a little noisy and frustrating.
if a tree falls in the forest, what an idiot— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) June 18, 2013
Søren feeds on his anxieties to provide adrenaline, like his heroes.
ACTUALLY, the Ghostbusters were very “‘fraid” of ghosts. that’s what Courage is— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) July 12, 2013
When he can’t sum up enough energy, there’s always The Thirst Quencher.
you can lead a horse to water but if you want your horse to go hard, sport stronger, and crush the competition, lead your horse to Gatorade™— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) April 20, 2013
Business Idea: Haterade for Alligators, you could call it Gatorade— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) March 10, 2013
Michael is a player.
Did it hurt? When I subtly insulted you to lower your self esteem in order to make you subconsciously seek my approval because I am a socio— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) March 9, 2013
Always out clubbing.
you must be the change you want to see in the club— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) March 4, 2013
Just being a solid bro.
His girlfriend’s left. His bros haze him. Awash in existential angst, the frat boy drops to his knees & cries to God: bro, do u even exist?— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) April 2, 2013
He still believes in the lost art of letter writing.
the worst thing about life is how they never let you join the wu-tang clan no matter how many handwritten letters you send— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) April 10, 2013
And the lost art of rewriting the classics.
Nice to meet you, Atticus. My name’s BOO! haha wow more like Atticus Flinch— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) May 10, 2013
Søren might not be in the best place right now.
my spirit animal is the brutish primal state to which man regresses after long periods of extreme stress & competition for scarce resources— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) March 22, 2013
He can use a hug.
’I don’t do hugs. I am hugs’ - Salvadorable Dali— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) March 20, 2013
He is relating too much to jazz music.
a jazz record where the singer breaks down weeping in the middle and tries to play it off as scat— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) February 18, 2013
Michael is going nowhere.
Hey have you guys heard about the train that only goes to uninhabited places? Yeah, it takes one to no one.— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) June 5, 2013
Let’s hope he doesn’t give up and cybernate his twitter account.
what idiot called it deactivating your account instead of cybernating— Søren Twerkegaard (@dammitbabies) April 16, 2013