Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.
(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)
Vanessa Ramos (@thatramosgirl) has just signed on to write for the Comedy Central roast for the second year in a row, this time around setting her sights on wiping the smug smile off of James Franco’s face - through comedy. She took some time off from penning her potentially renaissance man-destroying jokes to talk about a few of her funniest tweets.
“This is my most popular and also most stolen tweet. One young ‘lady’ with more followers posted it as her own a day later (on my birthday) and then replied to everyone who called her out accusing them of being ‘Twitter snitches.’
I tweeted this one as I was about to watch the season premiere of Dexter. I started thinking about other shows about serial killers before finding a pattern and having a little fun with it. I also considered other sports shows, but SportsCenter made me laugh.”
“I wrote this on one of the many Saturday nights I spend watching Lifetime movies about wayward teens making the kinds of mistakes that result in a actress from Melrose Place saying something comparable to ‘Not without my daughter.’ An Activia commercial came on and I remember thinking ‘this is my life now;’ I was surprisingly ok with it. In that moment, I both accepted and embraced that I was going to end up being one of those women that go through life/JoAnne Fabrics covered in cat hair, but decided that I was going to be the Beyoncé of them.”
“One of my favorite things to do is tweet fake episodes of real television shows. I even tweeted my own version of a movie once. Without giving away what movie it was, I started it with Alvin, Simon, and Dave eating Theodore after only three days of being chipwrecked.
Anywho, the Kardashian thing came from watching Keeping Up with The Kardashians with the sound off for five minutes and it reminding me of when my brother and I would give our cocker spaniel a spoonful of peanut butter while my mom’s Gloria Estefan CD played. That reference was pretty inside so I went with Dirty Jobs.”
“I was staying at a hotel in Minnesota and their Chili’s-like room service menu made mention of a ‘famous’ burger. I ordered that burger and like many, my brush with fame was not without regrets. I turned to Twitter for comfort and discovered the similarities.”
“This was the first tweet I did that ever got any attention from anyone other than @donni. It was almost midnight on a Saturday and someone had tweeted a link to an article about Charlie Sheen eating shit at his first live show, back when he fancied himself a tiger blood-drinking warlock and decided to rampage through the Midwest. I wasn’t surprised. I feel like if you bought tickets to that, the best you could hope for was him coming out dressed as Rick Vaughn from Major League and farting the chorus to ‘Wild Thing’. Then I thought about Emilio curled up at home with a good book and imaged what his tour would be like.”
Vanessa also took advantage of the NFL’s most embarrassing public moment, when replacement referees erroneously awarded the wrong team the victory.
Despite this, she isn’t very confident in herself.
It doesn’t mean that Ramos is envious of the delusional ones.
Vanessa has a suspicious eye on Chris Brown.
And Mitt Romney, still.
Vanessa is a part time real estate agent.
She can identify *all* of the depressing places.
Ramos is not the biggest Michael Buble fan.
She empathizes with Pitbull.
Vanessa knows that break ups could get messy.
James Carville creepy.
Incidentally, a lot of Toon Town is raking in the cash.
She thinks game show ontestants need to tell more interesting stories.
Vanessa also believes that some people are better off not saying anything at all.
And by some people, she means all people.