Follow Friday: @ThePatrickWalsh

Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.

(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)

Patrick Walsh (@thepatrickwalsh) is a writer for 2 Broke Girls and is a kind man who shed some light on some of his funniest tweets.

“I recall feeling conflicted about posting this tweet because I have a lot of friends who are incredible improvisers and I don’t like to shit on passionate people. I struggled for many years and the last thing you need is another voice telling you you’re not gonna make it. Everyone got my meaning though, the jab was really at those who are able to pursue that life not because they’re toiling away at day jobs but because their parents float them. I’ve always resented those people.”

“This is straight out of my life, I was sitting on my couch in my underwear and texted a friend who was a half hour away that I’d ‘be right there.’ Everyone I know does this. Nobody is on time. I amped it up for comedic effect of course — my neighbors are lovely and I refuse to be nude.”

“I’ve always been sort of uneasy with casual sex and at the time I was dating a lot, so I guess this was my thinly veiled way of saying ‘It’s gonna be a little weird at first, but if/when I get comfortable with you, you best believe that I’ll deliver that Leo DiCaprio heat in the bedroom. Or at the very least that Joe Gordon-Levitt heat.’”

“I wrote this the day the new Pope was…inducted? Inaugurated? Whatever. I was basically taking a shot at myself for how uninformed I am. I’m always the guy at my job who’s like ‘Wait, WHAT’S happening in Iraq? Some sort of skirmish?’ I rarely do ‘current events’ tweets unless I have a weird personal take on it because there are so many others who do smart political humor better than I ever could. I prefer to tweet about my dick. I know my dick better than anyone.”

“This was one of my first tweets. I saw the trailer for REAL STEEL and l and just couldn’t believe a movie with that plot was being made. I thought ‘How do you pitch that and not get laughed out of the room?’ Then I thought it’d be funny if the writer doing the pitch admitted he was just winging it and even HE was shocked that they liked it. Hard to convey in 140 characters and I didn’t know if people would get it but I remember being really psyched when they did. I eventually saw the movie and you know what? Not bad!”

Seinfeld was notoriously a harder sell to executives.

Anyway, Patrick is not a picky eater.

He is very patient.

Walsh doesn’t invest in air conditioning.

It makes things even more uncomfortable for his wife.

He’s had a long history of bad relationships.

It might be Patrick’s fault.

At least he’s clear on his stance on children.

There are unhealthier relationships.

Walsh doesn’t want to deal with parenting high schoolers.

They love their parties.

Patrick writes copy for Coke ads in his spare time.

And vehicles for Gerard Butler.

Walsh might consider lowering the alcohol consumption.

Or maybe he should just eat more when he drinks.

Whatever gets you through the night.

Follow Friday: @ThePatrickWalsh