vulture compendiums

A Complete Ranking of Every Chris Traeger Literally on Parks and Rec

Now that Chris Traeger is no longer a resident of Pawnee, Parks and Recreation has lost both its go-to optimist and issuer of hyperbolic uses of the word literally. Both of these things literally — litrilly, even — sadden us. To raise our morale in the wake of the character’s tearful yet irrepressibly cheerful ta-ta, we’ve updated our compendium of the many times Chris Traeger has uttered the word literally over the years. And in the overachieving spirit of the endlessly upbeat bureaucrat, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to rank all 35 utterances by how awesome they are to say apropos of nothing.

35. “Pawnee is literally the best town in the country.”

34. [As read by court stenographer Ethel Beavers.] “CHRIS TRAEGER: ‘That was beautiful — I’m literally crying and jumping.’”

33. [After hearing the results of his compatibility test with Anne.] “Oh, I think it’s fantastic. I think it’s literally the best score we could have hoped for.”

32. “Harris, we know who you are — I literally just fired you.”

31. “Me, too. Boy or girl, it doesn’t matter, because it will literally be the greatest child who’s ever lived.”

30. “I literally have 1,000 questions. Why is Ron wearing headphones? What’s whine and cheese club? And what is Ann complaining about?”

29. “That literally is the most moving thing I’ve ever heard.”

28. “There is literally nothing that you can’t do.”

27. “That is literally the best news I’ve heard all day.”

26. “This is literally the most exciting thing that I’ve ever seen.”

25. “I have literally never been more stressed out.”

24. “Ann Perkins! April Ludgate! Literally two of my favorite people on Earth.”

23. “I’m certain you will literally be the world’s best mom.”

22. “You are literally the best friend that I will ever have.”

21. “I bought my crib in Bloomington and I am confident that it is literally the safest crib in the explored universe.”

20. “There is literally nothing I would rather like than a tour of the Parks and Recreation Department of Pawnee led by Ron Swanson and Leslie Knope.”

19. “Dr. Harris, you are literally the meanest person I have ever met.”

18. “Carob cookies and berries are literally my favorite dessert alternative.”

17. [On how he’d spin a hypothetical debate scenario in which Leslie throws up and farts.] “Leslie Knope is literally overflowing with ideas for this town.”

16. “An ounce of that would literally kill me.”

15. “Is this Diedre Splatterfork? That is literally the best name I’ve ever heard.”

14. “It was literally just a small calzone.”

13. “There is a pretzel stand over there that serves literally the best pretzel I’ve ever had.”

12. “It is literally the comfiest couch you’ve ever been on.”

11. [Regarding Ben’s low-cal calzone.] “That idea is literally the best idea I’ve ever heard.”

10. “That was a fantastic season finale in a show that is literally a never-ending roller coaster ride.”

9. “My body is like a microchip, and flu is like a grain of sand. It could literally shut down my whole system.”

8. “I don’t want to seem overdramatic, but this is literally a battle for April’s soul.”

7. “To me, Sherlock Holmes is literally the greatest character in the Western canon.”

6. “That literally went on forever. I thought you were never going to stop talking.”

5. “Every time I cleanse I can literally feel the toxins leaving my body.”

4. “This is literally the best thing I’ve ever eaten.”

3. “I can literally see my face in my shoes.”

2. “Biking for charity is literally one of my interests on Facebook.”

1. “Your in-box is literally full of penises.”

Every Chris Traeger Literally on Parks and Rec