Groping a woman’s posterior without hesitation.
Now that it’s been a few weeks since Miley Cyrus’s VMA twerking atrocity rocked our nation’s chaste eyeballs, The Smoking Gun has given us all a chance to relive the magic by publishing the complaints viewers submitted to the FCC following the performance. While we don’t remember Miley’s show being quite as bad as some of these comments would suggest, it’s always fun to get even more perspectives on the issue.
According to the FCC files, on the evening of August 25, television viewers were “subjugated to 4 minutes of Miley Cyrus” with “much of her lower buttocks hanging out of the bikini bottom.” We saw her “acting like a devil flicking that tongue as demons do.” That included “implying sexual acts with bears,” specifically “put[ting] her face in a fake butt” and “licking the butt of a stuff[ed] bear.” Given that the teddy bear dancers were actual people, young Miley also “groped a woman’s posterior — without hesitation.”
Then Robin Thicke came out and Miley “humped him like a bitch in heat,” causing the “Blurred Lines” singer “to have a slight erection which can be easily noticed through his pants.” You could simply say she “touched the genitals of an older man while performing music,” “indicating oral sex, dog sex, etc.” but let’s not forget the “dry humping, which they call twerking apparently.”
So just how did America’s pristine households react to the lewdness on screen? “It had children running to their parents, and parents’ jaws dropping.” One little girl was “compelled to bury her head under the covers” while still others were simply “surprised of Slutty Cyrus.” “Excitement quickly turned into shock” as “families were horrified by this performance.” “Good heavens! I’m certainly no prude, but even I was shocked,” one person wrote, likely clutching their pearls.
Attempting to find reasoning in the wacky behavior, it has been suggested Cyrus appeared “under the influence of drugs or alcohol” or perhaps had “just coked up back stage.” The remedy?
“I suggest 12 months in a convent!”
“Miley Cyrus needs to be spanked.”
“Miley should be excommunicated from the music community!”
“She should be banned from all TV performances in the future!”
“Miss Milly Cyrus should be fined and jailed.”
While it’s likely none of that will happen — Deadline points out cable networks like MTV are immune to FCC fines — the entire fiasco left the United States’ most vigilant TV viewers to exclaim:
“Where has censorship gone?”
“GOD HELP THIS NATION.”
“Enough is enough.
“The scars on our children’s minds cannot be easily erased.”
No one tell these people about “Wrecking Ball.”