I have said this from day one: The Vampire Diaries is so much better than it needs to be. I think I would still watch if it had half the plots and (a fourth?) of the Paul Wesleys. But the fact remains that right when we think we have things figured out, we branch in a direction that feels totally authentic and yet completely mind-boggling all at once. It’s like falling in love for the first time over and over and … it’s like being Stefan and Elena, basically.
Last night we confirmed what we have long suspected: that wayyyyy before vampires, men were falling in love with Nina Dobrev. Turns out, versions of Stefan and Elena have been cosmically drawn together since the Earth existed in Instagram hues. Awesome.
To the debate!
Stefan Has the Face That Launched a Thousand Doppelgängers
Stefan was in so much pain walking out of that bar for a second I thought I was watching HBO. Minus 5.
Back off Matt, Silas. Minus 3.
Stefan looked absolutely PETRIFIED at the sight of a pretty hot woman. Yep, seems spot-on. Plus 2.
Paul Wesley’s face has been making women swoon since the dawn of time. Plus 40. I goddamn love this story line so much. Yes to watching Stefan fall in love in every era ever, forever.
Was anyone remotely surprised when Amara turned out to be Nina Dobrev? No points, just wondering this here.
Stefan’s hair in Olden Days was totally amazing in an entirely different way. I just love how they keep reinventing the wheel in this arena. Plus 2.
Did anyone else think that when Tessa was talking Stefan kept thinking, “I am holding up really well in this jealous ex category.” Plus 5.
The doppelgänger-fated-to-be-together-destiny-soul-mates thing is awesome but also horrible, because if there is one thing I know about the minds behind this show, it’s that they would never, ever have Elena end up with the person she is fated for. So minus 100 in advance for the hurt my heart already feels. But then plus 150, because my therapist is always telling me to stop mourning stuff that hasn’t happened yet.
What era do you think Paul Wesley looks the hottest in? No points, please comment.
Elena running to Stefan was sweet. Did I hear a few notes of their theme music? Plus 5.
Stefan does not know who Elena and Damon are. Just take a moment to let that sink in. I know, RIGHT? His memory will return, I imagine, at a most (in)opportune moment, but for the time being —OMFG. He doesn’t remember his brother, or that his brother’s girlfriend is his one true love. What will they tell him? Will he fall back in love with Elena? Is he open to people with different faces than Nina Dobrev? Because I have a super-cute blonde in mind he may want to see in a new light … plus 20.
Damon Needs a Story Line — No, Really, Someone Please Give Him Purpose
Going to have to subtract some points for Elena dreaming about Stefan while she’s in bed with Damon. Minus only 2, though, because Damon was actually handling the whole thing really well.
Plus at least 20 for Damon’s clear commitment to finding his brother. Damon’s history remains totally confusing to me (thanks in large part to that completely unnecessary “Elena met him first” scene), but I love how we get to see his deep love for Stefan now. It’s the best.
Katherine trying to get a rise out of Damon and Elena from the backseat was hilarious. Again, though, Damon didn’t seem all that bothered. He’s so self-assured, now. Must be all the sex. Plus 7.
Why are the vampires on this show still accepting drinks from strangers? Guys, it is ALWAYS vervain, okay? Minus 6.
The reason Damon is right for Elena is because he lets her do her thing? Right. Anyway, that. Plus 4.
Plus 7 for Damon’s line about Qetsiyah (“Qet-see-whatever”) and plus 12 in his category for the writers throwing us all a giant bone and changing her name to Tessa. I think I avoided writing about this entire plotline last year simply because I did not want to learn how to spell her name.
“We’re done here,” Damon tells Tessa after Stefan is slumped over lifeless with blood down his cheeks. Ya think? Minus 8.
Of course Damon would never leave Stefan with Tessa. I loved him in this moment. A lot. Plus 20.
That speech Damon gave Elena was pretty moving. “You are my life.” I think I’m pulling for these two? Maybe? Probably not? Plus 30.
“I get carsick in the backseat” —Katherine. She would. Plus 3. Katherine had a lot of zingers this episode.
Tessa is straight up PSYCHO. Plus 8.
“Love bends the rules of possible.” —Tessa. Homegirl is nuts, but I liked this line. Plus 2.
Question: How did Qetsiyah come before the original witch? Did she come before the original witch? Why am I still asking questions with her full name?
Look, I am delighted that Matt is getting a serious plot this season, but does his brain have to be hijacked? He is, like, the only good person on this show? Hate Gregor a ton, but it’s kinda fun watching him make out. Plus 30. I don’t know how to not give Matt points.
I thought it was pretty awesome that we reached so far back in time this episode. I was concerned that once the Originals were gone we’d have to rely solely on twenties flashbacks for History, but nope! Turns out this doppelgänger stuff predates every supernatural creature we’ve ever met. Plus 20.
Elena gave Katherine the chance to live in order for her to find her humanity. I was moved by this. Plus 10.
Katherine’s blood still holds the cure. Remains to be seen what this means — how much of it would you need? Could multiple people drink from her? But nice symmetry, writers! Remember when Elena’s blood was the key in season two? This switch of Katherine and Elena is FASCINATING. On a show that consistently delivers awesome — this could quite possibly be one of the best things they’ve ever done. Plus 15.
Stefan won this round. It’s not my fault everything compelling is happening through his facial features right now.
See you all back here next week! Season five is totally rocking.
As always, I’m here: @RebeccaASerle