Here’s what everyone knows about George Clooney: He is good-looking, he is friends with many famous people, he is very politically active, and he can party. Once or twice a year, another profile of the actor reaffirms these facts, sometimes throwing in a list of his recent pranks (what a lovable scoundrel!) or enumerating his recent humanitarian work (what a lovable saint!). It’s Esquire’s turn this month, with a profile doing just those things. It also includes a tiny bit of smack-talking about Leonardo DiCaprio and his basketball skills. But more important, his lack of life skills.
[DiCaprio and Clooney] played at a neighborhood court. “You know, I can play,” Clooney says in his living room. “I’m not great, by any means, but I played high school basketball, and I know I can play. I also know that you don’t talk shit unless you can play. And the thing about playing Leo is you have all these guys talking shit. We get there, and there’s this guy, Danny A I think his name is. Danny A is this club kid from New York. And he comes up to me and says, ‘We played once at Chelsea Piers. I kicked your ass.’ I said, ‘I’ve only played at Chelsea Piers once in my life and ran the table. So if we played, you didn’t kick anybody’s ass.’ And so then we’re watching them warm up, and they’re doing this weave around the court, and one of the guys I play with says, ‘You know we’re going to kill these guys, right?’ Because they can’t play at all. We’re all like fifty years old, and we beat them three straight: 11–0, 11–0, 11–0. And the discrepancy between their game and how they talked about their game made me think of how important it is to have someone in your life to tell you what’s what. I’m not sure if Leo has someone like that.”
Check yourself before you wreck yourself, Leo.