Scandal Recap: We Got Poped


More Cattle, Less Bull
Season 3 Episode 5
Editor’s Rating 4 stars


More Cattle, Less Bull
Season 3 Episode 5
Editor’s Rating 4 stars
Photo: Richard Cartwright/ABC

If it were up to me, this entire recap would be fan fiction about that basketball game between Fitz and Jake, but with there were at least 99 plot lines to work through last night, so let’s get right to it.

Everyone knew that Josephine Marcus’ sister was going to end up being her daughter, right? She was basically Chekov’s gun—no one cares about the campaign workers of the currently minor character unless they’re going to be of great importance later in the story. I liked that Marcus, played by Lisa Kudrow, held her own during the debate and was like, “Yeah, I had a kid when I was 15, deal with it.” Even though it freaked out Candy to learn that her sister was her mom, her honesty put Marcus ahead of that smug douchebag Sam Reston and woke up Fitz to the possibility of having real competition during the next election.

I don’t stan for Fitz and Liv, but I admit he looked FINE last night. Defeat and an utterly devastating attachment to an unavailable woman is a good look for him. Fitz keeps surprising me; I really didn’t expect him to call Olivia about the correspondent’s dinner, or to blurt out that he loved her and move forward like he didn’t say it when she was too stunned to respond. And I believe he really does love her in his own complicated way… at least I did before we found out that HE SHOT HER MOTHER OUT OF THE SKY AND SENT HER ROCKETING TO HER DEATH.

Huck, who had been working with Jake to sneak facts about and from Papa Pope, decoded the information Jake downloaded and figured out why Fitz lied and said he was on a secret mission in Iran when he was really in Iceland, firing rockets at the plane that carried Olivia’s mom across the sky. We’ve reached Threat Level Fitz-is-an-Unstoppable-Monster now, right? Like, the only way he can become a more deplorable human being is if he spikes baby Teddy’s bottles with heroin. In the end, Huck and Jake show up on Olivia’s doorstep, and if they tell her what they know, the rest of the season will be a race to keep Olivia from killing the president with her bare (and well manicured) hands.

Was this season’s opening speech from Papa Pope about Liv “spreading her legs” to the president largely based in the fact that she’s sleeping with her mom’s murderer? And if Papa Pope knew about the secret mission and subsequent plane takedown, why didn’t he just say so? It would have been a bigger blow to Olivia than dragging out his increasing disappointment in her. “Hey, Fitz is not only a philandering shit bucket, but he also murdered your Mom and Justice Verna, who was basically your surrogate mom. See you Sunday for our strained and silent dinner when we’ll openly resent each other over a plate of freshly made pasta.” And why was Liv’s mom killed in the first place—who did she work for, or what did she know?

I like that the gladiators went to Montana to work on the Marcus case, but how weird is it that Quinn bought a gun? I don’t think she’d use it on Huck or any of the gladiators, but what exactly is she thinking of doing to prove herself?

Everyone tried to hire Leo Bergen to run their presidential campaign, but it looks like Sally Langston may get him. It’s smart for her to run as an independent, but she’s obviously still nervous about her husband being Fitz 2.0 with the lying and cheating on her. If Chekov’s rule featured two guns, her husband, played by Jack Coleman, would have been the second one. A quick glance at IMDB tells us that he’s going to be in at least six episodes, so I’m guessing he’ll feature prominently in Sally’s future plans.

I really was shocked when Mellie asked Olivia to run Fitz’s reelection campaign. Everyone seems to forget that she actually loves Fitz, and is heartbroken by his infidelity—the look on her fact last night when she heard him talking to Liv in the bathroom was so sad. I’m impressed by her ability to keep helping Fitz in an effort to win him back, but she HAS to have something else up her sleeve, right? This is Mellie, the unrelenting, opportunistic, smarter-than-she-looks terror of the White House we’re talking about here. What does she gain by bringing Olivia back into the fold?

Leaderboard of Arbitrary Points, Week 5

+10,000 points to Cyrus for keeping his shit together and not having another heart attack.

–2,000 points to Olivia for digging in the trash on her hands and knees like a service dog to answer the Fitz phone after throwing it away. I don’t think her relationship with Fitz makes her vulnerable—I think it makes her desperate, and it’s awful to watch.

+15,000 points to Mellie’s wig, which was on steroids last night. More hairspray! Bigger! BIGGER!

–1,000 points for Fitz having Jake picked up by the Secret Service. But…

+INFINITY MILLION points for the two minutes we got to watch hot-ass Jake and fine-ass Fitz play basketball and sweat all over each other, even if it was a dick swinging contest that they both lost by even participating in.

–10 points for Jake’s weirdly porny water-pouring scene?

+800 points for Cyrus yelling that he gave Olivia “a world class education in the dark arts!”

+10,000 points to Mellie’s inability to control herself when she first sees Liv and saying, “I like your new boyfriend. Is he married?”

+4,844 points to Ethan for saying, “We got Poped!” when he realizes the gladiators are not only in Montana, but have already worked their magic all over the five people who knew about Marcus’ pregnancy. Ethan is a delight, and I look forward to his screw-ups every week.

–7,500 points for Fitz thinking he could get rid of B613, but what a great opportunity for Cyrus to tie them into the Kennedy assassination.

+55 points for Huck grounding Quinn after, according to Harrison, she “went all drill, baby, drill” on them. I know she’s taken it way too far into psycho killer territory, but she was more fun when she was a little bit unhinged.

+85,000 points to Leo Bergen for saying the president’s image is too toxic to work with. “He’s got penis problems, his-wife-is-a-frigid-shrew problems,” and he basically looks like a loser who hasn’t been laid in a while. DAMN, son, your deductive reasoning is on point.

+100 points for Abby. Her abusive ex-husband kept her away from the correspondent’s dinner, but not from David, and event though they’re boring I like that they’re not breaking up.

+10,000 points to Jake and his gold cummerbund for telling Olivia he’s done playing second fiddle.

–300 points for having to wait until next week to figure out if Huck and Jake will tell Liv about her mom and Fitz. I can’t stand it!

See you then!

Scandal Recap: We Got Poped