In case you missed it, the entirety of last night’s How I Met Your Mother was in rhyme. All of it. When pondering the genesis of this idea, our recapper asked: “Was it five o’clock on a Friday? The end of a long ideas meeting?” Whatever the reason, it was certainly no Dr. Seuss and perhaps never should have even gone there. If you’re curious how Ted and his crew sounded in couplets, we’ve collected some of the episode’s most groan-worthy lines. If you can make it through these, you’ll be just fine. (Sorry.)
• The outlook wasn’t brilliant for Ted’s romantic life,
He was deep into his 30s and still he had no wife.
• “Hold it, let’s not all go crazy like some wild bezerkers,
What if this is just business meal between some co-workers?”
• Ted thought back on past failed dates,
“Oh, that could be true, but how many times have I come home to find my balls are blue!”
• “Forgive me, but before you got here, did you smoke a joint?
You don’t tell kids a tale that crass,”
[CUT TO KIDS ON COUCH.] Old Ted: I guess he had a point.
• Once, in an east side bakery, your debonair Aunt Robin,
Was making other customers think: “Jeez, who let this slob in?”
• The bakery spun, the floor dropped out, the air was thick as syrup,
Poor Robin swore she couldn’t breathe, her eyes began to tear up.
• As Robin told her tale, Ted knew she’d made a massive boo-boo,
For stealing someone’s wedding cake is terribly bad ju-ju.
• “I came as soon as I got word, so how bad is the damage?”
“See for yourself, the product of her cake in gullet crammage.”
• “Hey, this is like that scene from Cool Hand Luke, you know: No man can eat 50 eggs, right?”
“She’s gonna puke!”
But Robin did not puke, she ate that bite.
• Once upon a time we all went out to get our drink on,
When who should walk in, but a girl with sweater tight and pink on.
• “She’s not in daisy dukes, nor squeezed into a Hooters tee,
And I don’t see a Curves membership hanging from her key.
She has no glaring spray tan, no unicorn tattoos,
She’s sipping chardonnay, not pounding cherry-flavored booze.
Her makeup isn’t running, she’s not playing with her hair,
There’s very little chance she’ll let you put it anywhere.”
• “My friend, from Brooklyn, Pickle Jar Bob, will give some validation.
Remember that young tourist, who was looking for Penn Station?
She’d just come in from Boston, had a wicked-good-in-bed look,
I gave her bad directions and she ended up in Red Hook.”
• “Ladies, don’t you worry, your fair legs can all stay closed,
Because luckily, they took the counteroffer I proposed.”
• “Well, that was great, your little story tickled all our ribs,
But one mistake you made, sir, was forgetting to call dibs.”
• “Oh look, a fireworks display, some rockets-red-glare action,”
“Thank God, thought my glaucoma drops were causing a reaction.”