Can you feel it in the air? The dissatisfaction, and the regrettable crop tops, and the impulse to fight with literally every single person you encounter? Girls is coming back! But if all you can remember is the weird running scene and the end of season two (also involving a running scene), then we’ve got you covered. Here’s where we left off with each major character (even Charlie, lol), and here’s where we hope Girls takes them.
Where we left her: About halfway through season two, Hannah began exhibiting signs of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder — something she apparently struggled with in high school. This behavior resulted in: a terrible haircut, a complete inability to write her e-book (she’s about to be sued by her publisher), and a total renunciation of the outside world. Then she Facetimes Adam and he comes running to save her.
Where we hope she’s headed: To a mentally healthier place. But we know from the trailer that she’s back with Adam, and Vulture has made its position very clear: All the couples on Girls should break up. To quote Margaret Lyons, “Hurt people hurt people. I’ve seen Greenberg.” So we hope that Hannah can figure out a way to break up with Adam, but still be semi-tortured “friends” with him (so that Adam Driver can stay on the show). Also, maybe she could find stable employment, as a social media director or something. She would obviously lose said job eventually, because she is a narcissist with no filter, but it would be fun/mortifying (same thing on this show) to watch.
Where we left him: In the episode before the Shirtless-Running Fairy Tale, Adam fell off the wagon and then sexually violated his girlfriend. Then we watched him smash up his whole apartment. Put another way: Adam is not in a great place, either.
Where we hope he’s headed: Back to AA, and then to Hoboken (far, far away from Brooklyn, but not too far for the show). Maybe his rent-paying grandmother lives in Hoboken! We would watch a whole Adam-grandma spinoff.
Where we left her: Happily walking through the meatpacking district with Charlie, whose “brown babies” she wants to have one day. Also, she has rediscovered her love of music, which is harrowing for everyone.
Where we hope she’s headed: Well, this is made simpler by the fact that Christopher Abbott — who played Charlie — abruptly quit the show, meaning that Marnie and Charlie have to break up. So Marnie presumably has to heal, which in this day and age almost certainly means a newfound interest in astrology. Jessa and Marnie will have matching rising signs and become best friends. Susan Miller will cameo. No songs will be recorded.
Where we left him: Gazing lovingly into Marnie’s eyes.
Where we hope he’s headed: We suggested a bunch of ways for Girls to write him off, but “his cubby bed became very popular on Apartment Therapy and he moved to Portland” is still the best one.
Where we left her: Making out with a blond dude after dumping Ray with the best line of the season: “Sometimes I love you the way I feel sorry for a monkey.”
Where we hope she’s headed: Home with that boy. Shoshanna is in college. Mistakes are encouraged.
Where we left him: Heartbroken, but with a promising future at the new Brooklyn Heights outpost of Grumpy’s.
Where we hope he’s headed: To therapy. Shoshanna was right! (It is alarming how often Shoshanna is right.)
Where we left her: At her father’s house, or maybe in the woods nearby, like four episodes ago. She disappeared.
Where we hope she’s headed: Well, the trailer says she’s back, so we hope she went to Hannah’s house at some point and apologized. Maybe she and her new BFF Marnie can start an art gallery together? And then it can be successful (for Bushwick), which makes Hannah jealous, and then everyone is fighting again like they’re supposed to. This is Girls, after all.