golden globes 2014

Watch Jacqueline Bisset’s Loopy Golden Globe Speech

No one expected Jacqueline Bisset to win Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series, Miniseries, or Movie over Janet McTeer, Hayden Panettiere, Monica Potter, and Sofia Vergara, for her role in Dancing on the Edge. Which is maybe why this happened:

And, just in case you don’t want to watch that again tonight, here is her speech transcribed … along … with … all … those … pauses.

[After name is announced, takes thirteen seconds to stand up, and another five to start walking toward stage. Reaches stage at 54 seconds in, takes circuitous route to microphone. Reappears from backstage, receives statuette, steps up to microphone. Speech begins one minute, twelve seconds after name first announced.]
*Deep sigh*
[five-second pause]
[thirteen-second pause with nervous laughter]
Um, I think it was 47 years ago that the Hollywood Foreign Press gave me the promising nomination, uh, promising NEWCOMER! Thank you very much, Hollywood Foreign Press. I’m slightly shaking, I can’t believe this, god knows, you’ve nominated me about five times, anyway.
[six-second pause]
Okay, Scottish background to the front. I always wanted to do something for the BBC.
[two-second pause]
And we did this and this was great. Chiwetel, where are you? Can I see Chiwetel? I need him for inspiration. We had a good cast, didn’t we? It was great. Starz, thank you for putting this on, and thank you to my British agent Steve Kenis and my American agent Harry Abrams.
[House music starts up]
I … am sorry. I am going to get this together. I want to thank people who have given me joy, and there are many. [Long bleep] — shit. I say, like my mother — what did she say? — “go to hell and don’t come back.” Ha ha ha.
[Brief pause]
However … however … however … my mother was not entirely me. I believe, if you want to look good, you’ve got to forgive everybody. You have to forgive everybody, it’s the best beauty treatment. Forgiveness for yourself and for the others [blows air kiss] … I love my friends, I love my family, and you are so kind, thank you so much. Thank you.
[3:32 seconds elapsed since Bisset’s name was read]

Watch Jacqueline Bisset’s Loopy Globes Speech