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An A-to-Z Guide to Archer’s Running Jokes

Along with heavy drinking and weird sex stuff, the average Archer episode has enough recurring gags that even Lana couldn’t hold them all in her giant Truckasaurus hands. Season five has added in a lot of new nonsense, thanks to the ISIS team’s turn toward drug dealing, but the familiar quality remains. For the acetone addicted among you, treat yourself with this A-to-Z index of 26 recurring jokes on Archer guaranteed to make you sploosh. When you’re done, try to use them all in one giant sentence. (And of course, feel free to add your own in the comments. We know there are a hundred more.)

A — acetone addiction. Filthy rich heiress and ISIS secretary Cheryl Tunt gets off on a lot of weird stuff, most of them involving restricting air flow through her esophagus, but nothing excites her like a sweet sniff of rubber cement. Occasionally she even eats it.

B — Brett the bullet magnet. Mr. Bloodmobile survived eight unexpected shootings, most suffered in the ISIS office, before he was finally hit with a fatal blow in the season-five premiere. As Archer said, “He died doing what he loved: getting shot.”

C — Cyril’s sex addiction. He seemed like such a nice boy when we met him, but Cyril soon morphed into a voracious woman eater. Over four seasons, he had at least nine known conquests, this despite a “penis ensmallment.”

D — Duchess. The dead Afghan hound used to compete with young Archer for his mother Mallory’s love. Duchess always won. Even in death, the dog lives on, both in photographic form on Mallory’s walls and in Archer’s code name.

E — erections. Archer frequently gets them at inopportune times. Kreiger does, too.

F — femur, Barry’s. Archer broke it when he let the then-ODIN agent fall off a roof. The leg took two steel rods and sixteen titanium screws to mend. Then Archer dropped him off a fire escape and it had to be amputated.

G — guest. The go-to computer password at ISIS headquarters.

H — had something for this, I. Archer uses this phrase when he wants people to think he had a clever joke prepared for a given situation. It’s unclear whether he ever really did have something for that.

I — inner ear tinnitus. Archer’s got it, thanks to countless guns shot right next to his head. The flash bang grenades don’t help either. Constantly repeating “mawp” after a loud noise does, though.

J — Johnny Bench-ian hands. Lana has them and they’re the first feature people notice upon meeting her.

K — Krieger’s virtual girlfriend. The son of a Nazi scientist, Krieger engineered a holographic girlfriend (and then another when the first one died) who looks straight out of Japanese anime. She’s got a crush on Neil Degrasse Tyson.

L — Lana, Lana, LAAAAAANA. When Archer wants Lana’s attention and she won’t give it to him, he yells this.

M — “Mulatto Butts.” “Black ass mama / White ass daddy”: Those are lyrics in this song, which is Archer’s ringtone. It only seems to go off during clandestine missions.

N — name changes for Cheryl. This gag, which led to Cheryl going by Carol, Cristal, and Carina, tapered off after the first season, but made an appearance again in the season-five premiere.

O — ocelot. Cheryl’s pet, whose name is Babou. She hates him because he’s always sick and always spraying.

P — phrasing. Archer’s version of “That’s what she said.”

Q — quadroon. The Archer family’s racism was established in the show’s third episode when Sterling used this slur. It was reaffirmed by the use of phrases like potato heads and Beardsly McTurbanhead.

R — Reynolds, Burt. Archer loves him, largely for his role Gator in Gator, and Mallory dates him. He even made a cameo in season three.

S — sploosh. Coined by Pam after Archer told her about a threesome he had with princess sisters, it’s become every ISIS employee’s favorite way of expressing excitement in their loins.

T — tactile-neck. It’s a black turtleneck and it’s the only acceptable garment for a top secret spy mission.

U — uppity.  Archer is afflicted with this trait, and it’s never more clear than when he name-drops scientists and historical figures in casual conversation, then gets angry when no one knows whom he’s talking about.

V — voice-mail pranks. Archer has taken his elaborate voice-mail pranks so far that his mother won’t even bother to call him.

W — Woodhouse abuse. Archer’s devoted valet frequently disappoints and must be punished by having his belongings thrown off the balcony.

X — x bullets left. Archer likes to keep track of how many bullets have come out of gun. It’s a skill that comes in handy during his many standoffs.

Y — yuuup. Along with nooope, it’s Lana’s catchphrase (though others have borrowed it).

Z — Zone, Danger. Probably the show’s most popular recurring joke, it’s an homage to Kenny Loggins and the zone in which Archer lives.

An A-to-Z Guide to Archer’s Running Jokes