This feature originally ran on April 17, 2014.
Scandal is famous for its break-neck pace, its glamorous costumes, its all-consuming melodrama. And oh yeah — its memorable, operatic monologues. But now you don’t have to be adjacent to the Grant administration to have your very own Scandal moment: In honor of tonight’s season premiere, we present this monologue generator. Enter a few key terms, and voilà! You’ll be shouting your personal philosophies with the best of the Gladiators. Step aside, Cyrus; sleep with one eye open, Mellie. Now we can all have a turn. Pull on your white hat and give it a go.