Hello, Vulture Readers! As your new pop-music critic, I’m about to embark on the most exciting part of my hazing process inaugural duties: live-blogging the MTV Video Music Awards! All night, I’ll be posting my up-to-the-minute commentary of pop music’s most shamelessly self-congratulatory night, and I’ll be publishing some of your comments, too. Which Beyoncé video will win more than the other Beyoncé videos? Who will take home the coveted moon man for Best Video With a Social Message? (Hint: Macklemore isn’t even nominated!) Whose racially insensitive performance will we be reading think pieces about tomorrow? (Hint: Macklemore isn’t even performing!) Join me in learning the answers to all these questions — and more. Please leave any comments in the comments area at bottom, and I’ll incorporate them when I can. Happy watching.
Jay and Blue Ivy presenting Beyoncé with the Video Vanguard award. Damn. What a finale.
The "Rocket" staging is basically the "Darling Nikki" scene in Purple Rain, and I mean that as the highest compliment
And while we're all looking for divorce rumor clues: Anybody else notice her delivery of "Jealous" seemed more intense than the other songs?
Bey reportedly going to do a medley of every song off her record. Starting with "Mine" #WheresDrake
If you had "Miley Sends A Former Runaway To Accept The Award For Her" checked on your VMA pool, congratulations!
Wow, Miley sending a teen runaway up to accept the award for her. Nobody saw that coming...
Miley wins Video of the Year for "Wrecking Ball", thus completing her VMA Redemption Narrative.
Video of the Year, here we go. These awards somehow feel even MORE meaningless than they usually do.
Jimmy Fallon accidentally signed a contract where he has to appear at every MTV Award show until 2025.
I just texted my mom to ask what she thinks of the show. She says: "Lame. And Tame!" MRS. ZOLADZ IS NOT IMPRESSED, VMAS.
Jason Derulo's "Talk Dirty Tour Starts in October" is this year's "Trap Lord in Stores Now."
OK, finally coming to the conclusion that everyone else came to an hour and a half ago: the backstage cam is more fun to watch than the actual telecast.
Between Iggy, Rita and Taylor the defining style trend of the night seems to be "Blades of Glory."
This show has been so boring and uncontroversial that the most tweeted-about moment of the night was Beyoncé updating her tumblr.
5SOS won the VMA for Best Lyric Video with 77 million votes. Obama won the 2012 presidential election with 65 million.
"Oh shit! Sorry for swearing!" Aaaaand the VMA for most charming speech of the night goes to LORDE.
Trey Songz on the Best Rock Video nominees: "There's even a lady in the mix." Ugh stop.
Drake wins for his truly ridiculous "Hold On We're Going Home" video. "Worst Behavior" was robbed.
Common leading a moment of silence for Mike Brown before presenting Best Hip Hop Video.
"Hip-hop has always been about truth, and has been a powerful instrument of social change. Hip-hop has always presented a voice for the revolution."
Seeing rumors that Nicki's wardrobe malfunction at the top of the show was due to a faulty zipper. Really hope the dress wasn't from her Kmart line.
