We’ll be talking here about the events in tonight’s series finale of True Blood. If you haven’t already watched “Thank you,” come back later, because we don’t have the power to glamour your memory away … yet.
Who was that guy? After all these years of rooting for Sookie to end up with either Bill, Eric, Alcide, or even Sam, we got a guy wearing a brown shirt and a beard. We don’t even get to see his face? Perhaps the point was that she got to have a so-called “normal,” human relationship, the kind Bill said he wished she could have, along with sunshine and children and puppies. But who’s to say — well, other than True Blood showrunner Brian Buckner, who also wrote “Thank You” — that this mystery man is not part fae, a shifter, a were, or some other supernatural? After all, Bill’s idea of happiness for Sookie and Sookie’s idea of happiness for Sookie are two different things. That’s why she couldn’t give up her light ball.
Let’s discuss Bill’s last wishes, shall we? And we might as well also gab about these gab-worthy points:
• Are Adilyn and Wade still sleeping together now that they’re siblings-by-marriage? They looked awfully cozy at the Stackhouse Thanksgiving dinner, but you never know with these two…
• Was that a ring on Lafayette’s finger? Can someone please do screengrabs of all the people around that table in the flash-forward, because that’s all the finale time with Lafayette we’re going to get.
• Please, someone, also make a GIF of Eric bopping along in his car. UPDATED: Thank you, commenter Fenchurch_, for directing us here.
• Why did the show suddenly resort to old-fashioned notions about marriage? True Blood has celebrated many different kinds of love, particularly with the fluid nature of vampire sexuality — but suddenly in its last hour, the show seemed to reject its forward-thinking ways. Bill, in effect, pressured Hoyt to propose to Jessica, and then pressured Jessica to say yes, not just so he could be there, but so he could give her away. His human daughter had gotten hitched back in the 19th century, after his death, so he feels deprived of the antiquated ritual of one man handing off a woman to another man. Bill says, “I just want to know that you’d be spoken for.” Yes, he’s dying, but that’s his choice. And it’s a big ask — especially since Hoyt does not remember his prior relationship with Jessica. It’s also a double standard: Bill, who once wanted to marry Sookie, now thinks vampire-human marriage would be a doomed proposition for her, but advocates it for Jessica and Hoyt?
• Vampire babies! Arlene and Holly have some questions about the urgency of Hoyt’s and Jessica’s nuptials. Could she be pregnant? Vampires don’t get pregnant, right? And while they didn’t ask this one, I’ve always wondered, when vampires ejaculate, is it blood? After all, they don’t have any other remaining bodily fluids, so sperm would be out of the question. Why didn’t we ever get to see how this worked, True Blood?
• Until death do you part. Hoyt’s and Jessica’s vows included the line, “As long as you both shall live.” Shouldn’t they have been modified to include the very salient fact that Jessica is technically not alive?
• Jason is finally the guy to go to for advice, when he doesn’t have any. He doesn’t have any pearls of wisdom for Sookie, but she wasn’t really looking for any, just emotional support. But for Hoyt, he helps him make a difficult decision: “If I was going to tell you the world was going to end tomorrow, who do you want to wake up to?” Maybe that’s a question we should all ask ourselves. Thanks, True Blood!