When it comes to television and classics of world cinema, Hulu Plus is a wonderful streaming service. But for run-of-the-mill movies, Hulu is the Zune to Netflix’s iPod, the Justin Guarini to Amazon Prime’s Kelly Clarkson. Here’s a rundown of the weirdest of the weird.
[Ed. Note: Many of these movies are “intended for mature audiences,” which, in our opinion, gives them way too much credit.]
Pretty Dead (2013)
Here’s the most elaborate, paranormal anti-cocaine campaign that I know of: A hot young lady doctor indulges in a few bumps … then rapidly takes up other vices, like chugging human-fat milkshakes and alluding to devouring her own fiancé. Like, in the not-hot way, in the she-wants-to-eat-him way.
Just don’t do coke, guys.
Abner, the Invisible Dog (2013)
There are way too many plot twists here. A nerdy tween boy has a dog. He accidentally turns the dog invisible, but also the dog talks, and now our hero must battle not only the bullies from school, but also legit adult Home Alone–y bad guys. And he can’t forget to woo the cute girl next door! Most difficult to grasp, though, is why the dog has an accent that seems to slip in and out of Irish, Australian, and British dialects.
Friends (With Benefits) (2009)
Released two years before the Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake version (that one was sans parentheses) … except you don’t really want to see these people naked.
Sweet Movie (1974)
“What if beauty pageants solely judged genitals? Only kidding, what a horrible idea!” said no one, apparently, to the writers of Sweet’s major plotline. This movie also perpetuates the disturbing (yet somehow existent) myth that gynecological exams tickle.
Bad Kids Go to Hell (2009)
High-school Saturday detention attended by a motley crew of annoyed, horny, possibly gruesomely violent teens. Have you ever watched The Breakfast Club on a lot of pills? Me neither, and now I don’t ever have to.
Fat Head (2009)
Comedian/health writer (a combo we, quite frankly, do not see enough) Tom Naughton sets out to prove Morgan Spurlock’s Super Size Me theory is totally bogus. He tries to lose weight on a fast-food diet, sprinkling in questionable data disassociating obesity with America’s poor eating trends. While it may have been well intentioned, if your film requires the disclaimer, “No, this production wasn’t funded or approved by McDonald’s. It was entirely self-financed,” it probably should never even become a film, even if it is a “comedy/documentary.”
Fireplace for Your Home: Holiday Edition (2013)
Exactly what it sounds like. Only infinitely more depressing. [Ed. Note: This one is better.]
Foolish (1999)
Reminder: Master P was once in a movie.
Barbara the Fair With the Silken Hair (1969)
An allegedly famous Russian fairy tale comes alive during a time when the U.S.S.R. was still a thing. It’s a convoluted story of royalty, aquatic gremlins (!), son-swappings, and arranged marriages. Bizarre costumes, frantic choreography, and special effects also abound. Many pigeons were cuddled during the making of this film. Too many, in our opinion.
Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988)
Like an actually bad Troll 2. In a post-nuclear-warfare world, women run America. Among their servants is this dude called Hell. Among other crazy developments, like ladies being in charge (crazy!), humans have mutated so intensely in the wake of the fallout that infertility and extinction threaten the human race. Hell sets out to rescue a gaggle of fertile, non-mutant woman-humans from the froglike king of the mutants. But wait!! He can’t leave Frogtown because someone fixed a geo-sensitive bomb to his ding-dong. I don’t like the future.
