At the Hollywood Film Awards (don’t worry, no one else watched it either), Ben Affleck got onstage to accept Hollywood Film on behalf of Gone Girl: “In a true Hollywood Film Award moment, Ron and I just met at the urinal,” he said, referring to presenter Ron Howard. “Nice to see you, Ron.” (We can now add Ron Howard to the list of men who have seen Ben Affleck’s penis.)
The peen mentions don’t stop there! He also thanked director David Fincher for showing America his junk. Fincher had told him, “Listen, if we tilt down, we’ll never go far enough to see anything.” Obviously he was lying, and moreover, Fincher kept the set nice and frosty. “I’d like to thank you for keeping the set cool,” said Affleck. “If you’re going to have one chance for America to see your junk, you want it to be cold. It’s a real gift.” No, Ben, the gift was all yours to give.