There are so many things on the internet that’ll make you feel old, but how about on TV? Ever catch a Friends rerun and really feel your age? I never find myself noticing the numerous dated references or obvious lack of cell phones, but I always have a “Where are they now?” moment when I see the Geller childen: Ben and Emma. How old would they be now? Who would play them? Would they have “friends” of their own? (And maybe even an Ugly Naked Guy of their own?) Did they take over the Friends apartment (and was that apartment rent-stabilized?) Let’s imagine:
Ben Geller-Willick, the boy born to Ross’s first wife Carol, was born during “The One With the Birth.” His birthday was his birth episode’s air date: May 11, 1995. That would make Ben 19 years old this year. In his Friends later years (seasons six through eight) he was played by one half of the Sprouse twins, Cole, who is actually 22 years old and will graduate from NYU next year. In real life, he does all the things NYU students do, like start a secret and “experimental” Tumblr blog, dress up like Link (from The Legend of Zelda) for Halloween, and tweet rude things at his twin brother (who also goes to NYU). Is it weird to imagine that Ben might’ve had a similar fate? With Rachel and Ross living together up in Westchester or whereabouts, it only makes sense that Ben would study something like biology (science! Just like his dad!) at NYU and live in his parents’ old apartment. (He might even do cram sessions at Central Perk.)
With a mother like Rachel, Emma Geller-Green will probably* have the best bat mitzvah. She’d be turning 13 next year, as she was born on May 12, 2002 (“The One Where Rachel Has a Baby, Part 2”). She was played by the adorable Cali Sheldon, who was born just a month before her character. The now-12-year-old Cali is adorable, and just like her Friends half-brother, Cole, she’s also a twin in real life. Going off so very little, remember how Emma’s first word was “gleba”? (You know, the “fleshy, spore-bearing inner mass of a certain fungi.”) Maybe she’ll also follow in Dr. Geller’s dinosaur footprints? Maybe she’ll agree to take some chemistry classes at first and then ditch it completely to do something more fun. That sounds a lot more like Rachel, doesn’t it? No matter what she does, Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” will definitely be on her bat mitzvah playlist.
* I am of the mindset that Rachel Green is Jewish, but more on this at a later date.