Halfway through the first season of Friends, Phoebe shares with Rachel three cardinal facts about herself: “One,” she starts, “my friends are the most important thing in my life. Two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world.” Three bold statements, but one totally boldfaced lie. Because over ten seasons of Friends, Phoebe lies and lies and lies and lies — both straight out and she lies by omission. Does anyone lie to their BFFs as much as Phoebe does? Here is our list of offenses.
Phoebe is the worst passive-aggressive roommate.
In “The One With the Flashbacks” it’s revealed that while Phoebe and Monica were living together, Monica became such a difficult roommate that Phoebe was forced to move out on the down low — i.e., she left at night and returned in the morning, moving out her furniture piece by piece and telling Monica that they were “out for repair.” Passive aggression at its worst!
She knew about Rachel’s pregnancy …
“Holy mother of God, this is brand-new information!” yells Phoebe when Ross tells her that Rachel is pregnant. “You already knew, didn’t you?” he replies. Ross was able to come to this conclusion because it literally couldn’t have been any more obvious. She is not only a liar, but a bad one.
… And who the father was.
To make matters worse, in order to protect Rachel, Phoebe pretends she is the one who is pregnant. Chandler asks who the father is, and she responds, “I can’t say … I can’t say because he’s famous.” Finally, she “gives in”: “It’s Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin is the father of my baby.” Chandler isn’t convinced: “As in Barbra Streisand’s husband James Brolin?” Ugh.
She lies about her job.
When Rachel gets a gift certificate to what Phoebe deems too “corporate” of a spa, Phoebe demands that Rachel tear it up. But Rachel pieces it back together and goes to get her massage against Phoebe’s wishes. Turns out, Phoebe is the masseuse — she’s been working at the spa because they have benefits like a “four-oh-wonk.” She tries to protect her identity by putting on a Swedish accent and calling herself Ikea. Doesn’t work.
Her roommate, Denise, is not a real person.
Phoebe has a fictitious roommate named Denise whom she uses to teach lessons to her friends. When Ross, secretly married to (and in love with!) Rachel, asks her to move in with him platonically, Phoebe reveals that Denise had done the exact same insane thing. And you know what? The whole thing “just blew up!” In another lie, Phoebe says Rachel can’t move in with her because she already has a roommate. Denise.
She pretends to be into Chandler, as he’s pretending to be into her.
And although her seduction of Chandler (to hide his relationship with Monica) is hilarious, their collectively performative attraction is a total fraud.
She lies in order to be Monica’s maid of honor.
In a tense bidding war over who should be Monica’s maid of honor, Phoebe announces that she has never been a maid of honor before, so it’s only fair that she gets to do it this time. Rachel actually feels bad for her, so she gives in. Later in the episode, Joey reveals that Phoebe lied — she actually has been a maid of honor before. Damn, that’s cold.