“Smelly Cat” is totally overrated. It’s true! The Phoebe Buffay oeuvre is much bigger (and broader!) than the jingle everyone remembers. Sure, she had her wonderfully silly hits: “Sticky Shoes,” “Crazy Underwear,” “Goats Are Parading” — even “Ode to a Pubic Hair” (“How’d you wind up there?”) is pretty catchy. But Phoebe’s greatest were always the angry ones. Songs inspired by dead moms, dead cows, resentful children, and ex-boyfriends, with lyrics that rhymed “good-bye” with “die” and (aptly?) accused Chandler of being gay. Phoebe’s anger, when it leaked out, always sounded best set to a tune. For example:
Is there anything more chilling than Phoebe’s ode to getting stuck in a closet?
Trapped in the Hospital Closet
And they found their bodies the very next day,
They found their bodies the very next day,
La la la, la la la, la la la…
Or the song about casual sex that she decided to sing to a classroom full of children?
Another Thing You Don’t Wanna Do
There’ll be times when you get older,
When you’ll want to sleep with people,
Just to make them like you.
‘Cause that’s another thing,
That you don’t wanna do
That’s another thing,
That you don’t wanna do.
Speaking of sexuality, this one’s too real:
Sometimes men love women,
Sometimes men love men,
And then there are bisexuals
Though some just say they’re kidding themselves,
La lalala lalalalala la La la lalala lala la la
But the best song from the Buffay collection has to be “Two of Them Kissed Last Night,” the not-so-subtle tale of that time Ross and Rachel kissed even though he had a girlfriend, Julie. Poor Julie. This is not only a catchy and good song, but some good friend behavior, too! Get outta here, Ross.
Two of Them Kissed Last Night
There was a girl,
We’ll call her Betty.
And a guy,
Let’s call him Neil.
Now I can’t stress this point too strongly,
This story isn’t real.
Now our Neil must decide,
Who will be the girl that he casts aside?
Will Betty be the one who he loves truly?
Or will it be the one who we’ll call … Loolie.
He must decide, he must decide,
Even though I made him up,
He must decide!
Can’t make up your mind? Watch ‘em all (and sing along!):