Many who have watched the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer are confused. That doesn’t look like a romantic movie … That guy looks like a total creep! It’s true: If you look at it a certain way, Christian Grey is a total stalker whose crazy eyes lure Anastasia back to his Red Room lair. Or maybe we’re confusing it with The Fall, in which Grey (Jamie Dornan) plays an actual serial lady-killer. But what might Fifty Shades look like if it were an actual thriller? We mashed the two up to find out. (Bonus: Grey grows a beard!)