The Hollywood Reporter writes that the delicate, sensitive Bruce Willis will take his first Broadway bow this fall as the lead in a stage adaptation of Stephen King’s novel turned movie Misery, about an injured author held captive by his No. 1 fan. Opposite Willis’s Paul Sheldon will be Elizabeth Marvel, whom you might recognize as Heather Dunbar from House of Cards. (Presumably Michael Cera and Tavi Gevinson were unavailable.) Willis’s facial hair is still to be determined, but we’ll probably get Bearded or Goatee Bruce because … captivity, which is hot for fall and very 2015.