missed opportunities

Fifty Shades of Grey Could Have Been a Lifetime Movie

If only. Photo: Focus Features

Saturday night, Lifetime will premiere its highly anticipated, highly random new original movie, A Deadly Adoption, starring Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig. And while its premise screams spoof, two A+E Networks VPs swear Ferrell and Wiig played it straight: “We weren’t clear if it was going to be authentic, if it really was going to be this murder story … It’s not a comedy. And it’s well-done,” Tanya Lopez told Entertainment Weekly. “It’s not the Scary Movie parody of a Lifetime movie,” Arturo Interian added, “[Ferrell] wanted to legitimately do a Lifetime sexual thriller.” But apparently A Deadly Adoption isn’t the only semi-secret project Lifetime has had up its sleeve. Interian also revealed that, once upon a time, Lifetime considered bringing Fifty Shades of Grey to their network:

INTERIAN We went after Fifty Shades of Grey for five seconds.

LOPEZ We had the manuscript, and no pitches had been set in Hollywood yet … We had a conversation about if we could actually do it. At the end of the day, what would it look like on an ad-supported network?

INTERIAN Because it was, like, 40 pages of plot and, like, 160 pages of sex.

LOPEZ What were we showing? Just neck up and a lot of …

INTERIAN Facial reactions? [Laughter]

Sadly, we’ll never know what Christian Grey’s Red Room of Pain would’ve looked like in Lifetime’s world, because Interian says the network inevitably got outmatched by competing offers. Just think, Dakota Johnson could’ve been a Lifetime movie star.

If Fifty Shades of Grey Were a Lifetime Movie…