September 21, 2015

The Best Frozen Moments From the 2015 Emmys

By Jesse David Fox

Now that the after-after-after-after-parties are over, we can finally put the 2015 Emmys to bed. We told you who won, gave you the highs and lows, quizzed your speech recollection, and reveled in the misery of Mad Men’s poor showing. All that is left is to look at are the cracks between the highlights, the odd facial expressions, weird seating arrangements, and uncomfortable body language. Here are the best frozen moments from the 2015 Emmys.

Screenshots by Dianna McDougall.

When your parents give you hella DVDs for Christmas but your computer doesn't have a CD drive.

When your parents give you hella DVDs for Christmas but your computer doesn't have a CD drive.

Funny story: This was actually a very hard scene to shoot. See, Kerry Washington hasn't smelled something bad since at least high school. How did they get the shot? They said, "Remember the last time you were forced to speak with a non-famous person."

Funny story: This was actually a very hard scene to shoot. See, Kerry Washington hasn't smelled something bad since at least high school. How did they get the shot? They said, "Remember the last time you were forced to speak with a non-famous person."

Are you there, Robert Durst? It's me, another guy who looks like a murderer.

Are you there, Robert Durst? It's me, another guy who looks like a murderer.

Too Many Wives.

Too Many Wives.

"Excuse me, Ms. Poehler. It's Jack, um — Ms. Fey's introduced us a few times. Well, um, would you mind not making that scary face anymore? It's too mean. Look over my shoulder, Kate McKinnon is looking away."

"Excuse me, Ms. Poehler. It's Jack, um — Ms. Fey's introduced us a few times. Well, um, would you mind not making that scary face anymore? It's too mean. Look over my shoulder, Kate McKinnon is looking away."

"The more people you love, the weaker you are. Also, the less spinach you eat, the weaker you are. Ay-kah-kah-kah-kah!"

"The more people you love, the weaker you are. Also, the less spinach you eat, the weaker you are. Ay-kah-kah-kah-kah!"

When you agree to host the Emmys but don't remember until showtime that you have cue-card-based trauma from the time Lorne Michaels made you re-say a line 65 times in dress rehearsal, as if he was J.K. Simmons in Whiplash:
"AGAIN!"
"Say hi to ya mothah for me."
"AGAIN!"
"Say hi to ya mothah for me."
"AGAIN!"
"Say hi to ya mothah for me."

When you agree to host the Emmys but don't remember until showtime that you have cue-card-based trauma from the time Lorne Michaels made you re-say a line 65 times in dress rehearsal, as if he was J.K. Simmons in Whiplash:
"AGAIN!"
"Say hi to ya mothah for me."
"AGAIN!"
"Say hi to ya mothah for me."
"AGAIN!"
"Say hi to ya mothah for me."

"Ha ha ha. Psst. Psst. Hey, Jon, what's everyone laughing at? It's not my formal evening cap, right? The guy at the store said, 'It's definitely appropriate for the Emmys — I think Frasier used to wear when he won all those times.' And I was like, 'If it's good enough for Walt Frazier, it's good enough for Cool James.'"

"Ha ha ha. Psst. Psst. Hey, Jon, what's everyone laughing at? It's not my formal evening cap, right? The guy at the store said, 'It's definitely appropriate for the Emmys — I think Frasier used to wear when he won all those times.' And I was like, 'If it's good enough for Walt Frazier, it's good enough for Cool James.'"

When you put all this work into making sure you have the best homecoming dance ever and some bitch keeps talking during your speech.

When you put all this work into making sure you have the best homecoming dance ever and some bitch keeps talking during your speech.

Allison Janney making her hot date hold her purse while she accepted her seventh Emmy basically felt like a Nicki Minaj song.

Allison Janney making her hot date hold her purse while she accepted her seventh Emmy basically felt like a Nicki Minaj song.

Blur his fingers, and this would basically look like Buster's claw.
"Claw? I'm a monster!"

Blur his fingers, and this would basically look like Buster's claw.
"Claw? I'm a monster!"

Nice of Kate McKinnon to bring her Angela Merkel–thinking-of–Jason Segel face to the Emmys.

Nice of Kate McKinnon to bring her Angela Merkel–thinking-of–Jason Segel face to the Emmys.

As expected, Jon Stewart is spending his retirement wiping cream cheese out of his beard.

As expected, Jon Stewart is spending his retirement wiping cream cheese out of his beard.

Now the cleaning crew knows why Andy Samberg kept on asking if the giant Emmy statue "smelled like cake."

Now the cleaning crew knows why Andy Samberg kept on asking if the giant Emmy statue "smelled like cake."

"Okay, what I want you do right now is wake up your stupid baby children and tell them that I'm holding Santa's good list and cutting their names out of it and eating it. Oh, and film the whole thing. Idiot kids: Who do you think they are? Grow up! You're not even friends with Bill Simmons."

"Okay, what I want you do right now is wake up your stupid baby children and tell them that I'm holding Santa's good list and cutting their names out of it and eating it. Oh, and film the whole thing. Idiot kids: Who do you think they are? Grow up! You're not even friends with Bill Simmons."

When Chandler throws out the two-week-old meatball sub you were going to eat before bed.

When Chandler throws out the two-week-old meatball sub you were going to eat before bed.

It was nice for the Emmys to try to My Fair Lady that man they found sleeping on the Venice boardwalk, but not sure if he was ready.

It was nice for the Emmys to try to My Fair Lady that man they found sleeping on the Venice boardwalk, but not sure if he was ready.

"Hey, Jeff." "You're making history, Jeffrey. You're making news. I love news so much. Yum, yum, yum, yum, news!"

"Hey, Jeff." "You're making history, Jeffrey. You're making news. I love news so much. Yum, yum, yum, yum, news!"

All joking a salad, shooting acceptance speeches from below was surprisingly affecting. It gave a gravitas to the speeches, especially the powerful ones.

All joking a salad, shooting acceptance speeches from below was surprisingly affecting. It gave a gravitas to the speeches, especially the powerful ones.

Have you ever wondered what it would look like if you were a dad driving a minivan, and Amy Poehler was your punk 14-year-old son who always says, "Suck it, Steve," because he won't call you Dad again for four more years, and Jimmy Fallon is your 7-year-old who laughs every time, not because he gets it but because he laughs at everything his brother says? To answer your question: Yes, in this scenario, their mom left two years prior, so you really can't blame them.

Have you ever wondered what it would look like if you were a dad driving a minivan, and Amy Poehler was your punk 14-year-old son who always says, "Suck it, Steve," because he won't call you Dad again for four more years, and Jimmy Fallon is your 7-year-old who laughs every time, not because he gets it but because he laughs at everything his brother says? To answer your question: Yes, in this scenario, their mom left two years prior, so you really can't blame them.

When Lucious tries to tell you he's leaving Anika.

When Lucious tries to tell you he's leaving Anika.

"Ahh! "Ahh!"
"Wuh?"
"Ahh!"
"I don't know why everyone's so surprised. Haven't you seen Southland?"
"Ahh!"

"Ahh! "Ahh!"
"Wuh?"
"Ahh!"
"I don't know why everyone's so surprised. Haven't you seen Southland?"
"Ahh!"

When the producers already cut to you once, so you think you're in the clear to fix your dang cuff link.

When the producers already cut to you once, so you think you're in the clear to fix your dang cuff link.

Beans, beans, the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more clones you can be.

Beans, beans, the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more clones you can be.

"Hey, Weeknd, who's got a hit single in 2015 now!"

"Hey, Weeknd, who's got a hit single in 2015 now!"

This is a subtly existential soundtrack away from being the next Coen Brothers movie.

This is a subtly existential soundtrack away from being the next Coen Brothers movie.

When you're a comedy legend who has more shows on the air than anyone, so you don't care about the awards and just go to the Emmys to sniff some indie-cred-having hair.

When you're a comedy legend who has more shows on the air than anyone, so you don't care about the awards and just go to the Emmys to sniff some indie-cred-having hair.

When your dad drags you on the dance floor to do the hora at your little brother's bar mitzvah.

When your dad drags you on the dance floor to do the hora at your little brother's bar mitzvah.

This was George R.R. Martin and David Benioff's face when Andy Samberg joked about Jon Snow still being alive. Nerds, we expect a 5,000-word analysis by noon.

This was George R.R. Martin and David Benioff's face when Andy Samberg joked about Jon Snow still being alive. Nerds, we expect a 5,000-word analysis by noon.

"Yippee! Yippe! Awards means sweets for Jonny. Jonny loooooves his sweetsies."

"Yippee! Yippe! Awards means sweets for Jonny. Jonny loooooves his sweetsies."

"Sometimes sketches aren't enough. So instead of another season, my writers and I are just going to kick the patriarchy's ass."

"Sometimes sketches aren't enough. So instead of another season, my writers and I are just going to kick the patriarchy's ass."

"Hey, Colin. Does this look familiar?"
"Not really, no."
"What if I say, 'I don't have time for you, son. I'm playing a man who is all alone and I need to stay in character'?''
"Daniel Day-Lewis before shooting There Will Be Blood."
"Ding ding ding."

"Hey, Colin. Does this look familiar?"
"Not really, no."
"What if I say, 'I don't have time for you, son. I'm playing a man who is all alone and I need to stay in character'?''
"Daniel Day-Lewis before shooting There Will Be Blood."
"Ding ding ding."

When you make eye contact with Matthew Weiner while accepting the writing award in Mad Men's final Emmys.

When you make eye contact with Matthew Weiner while accepting the writing award in Mad Men's final Emmys.

The only person from True Detective season two invited to the Emmys. Actually, that's not true; the rest of the cast was invited, too, but they were all too busy still yelling at their agents.

The only person from True Detective season two invited to the Emmys. Actually, that's not true; the rest of the cast was invited, too, but they were all too busy still yelling at their agents.

Who you gonna call? Huey Lewis, to make sure it's cool they play the Ghostbusters theme.

Who you gonna call? Huey Lewis, to make sure it's cool they play the Ghostbusters theme.

"Are you there, God? It's me, Crazy Eyes. Do you think Rodcocker should be able to hump his way not only between time periods but also dimensions?"

"Are you there, God? It's me, Crazy Eyes. Do you think Rodcocker should be able to hump his way not only between time periods but also dimensions?"

This is the face of a person reacting to their name listed as an Emmy nominee, not of a person three hours into a long drive.

This is the face of a person reacting to their name listed as an Emmy nominee, not of a person three hours into a long drive.

When you tell Grumpy Cat he's having salmon for dinner and not chicken like always.

When you tell Grumpy Cat he's having salmon for dinner and not chicken like always.

People on Twitter made fun of this, but this is actually an improvement from his original name — he used to go by "The 'Other' Engelbert Humperdinck."

People on Twitter made fun of this, but this is actually an improvement from his original name — he used to go by "The 'Other' Engelbert Humperdinck."

You can't blame Sofia Vergara — looking at Rob Lowe and Jon Hamm's faces makes us hungry, too.

You can't blame Sofia Vergara — looking at Rob Lowe and Jon Hamm's faces makes us hungry, too.

This is what happens when you don't give a man an award until his show's final season: He doesn't know how to get on the stage properly.

This is what happens when you don't give a man an award until his show's final season: He doesn't know how to get on the stage properly.

Jon Hamm winning was a very important moment in TV history to everyone but the guy sitting behind Christina Hendricks who thinks he might see Adam Levine, and the guy behind him who is texting his buddy because he's pretty sure he sees Adam Levine.

Jon Hamm winning was a very important moment in TV history to everyone but the guy sitting behind Christina Hendricks who thinks he might see Adam Levine, and the guy behind him who is texting his buddy because he's pretty sure he sees Adam Levine.

When Diondre Cole bumps you for the hundredth time but you can't stay mad at him.

When Diondre Cole bumps you for the hundredth time but you can't stay mad at him.

This goes out to all the Dr. Drew–Liz Lemon 'shippers still out there.

This goes out to all the Dr. Drew–Liz Lemon 'shippers still out there.

Can't wait for Empire this season, when we meet Cookie's mom, Rice Krispie Treat Square.

Can't wait for Empire this season, when we meet Cookie's mom, Rice Krispie Treat Square.

"Oh, hey, Viola. I hope you win."

"Oh, hey, Viola. I hope you win."

"Hi, Claire. I hope I win, too."

"Hi, Claire. I hope I win, too."

"My tears of joy could fill a bowl that is this big."

"My tears of joy could fill a bowl that is this big."

Not Modern Family.

Not Modern Family.

Winning Best Comedy apparently turned Julia Louis-Dreyfus into a drunk Mets fan filmed in the parking lot after the game.

Winning Best Comedy apparently turned Julia Louis-Dreyfus into a drunk Mets fan filmed in the parking lot after the game.

Brad Hall: Supportive husband/feminist icon.

Brad Hall: Supportive husband/feminist icon.

Everyone extremely happy that he's not Tracy in a Morgue–an.

Everyone extremely happy that he's not Tracy in a Morgue–an.

Fred Armisen was sitting near Miranda July this whole time? Did they use the opportunity to create an app that allows you to deliver flowers to stray cats?

Fred Armisen was sitting near Miranda July this whole time? Did they use the opportunity to create an app that allows you to deliver flowers to stray cats?

When your friend and muse walks out at the Emmys a year after a near-fatal car accident and you keep it together, but then he makes a joke about getting women pregnant and you're done.

When your friend and muse walks out at the Emmys a year after a near-fatal car accident and you keep it together, but then he makes a joke about getting women pregnant and you're done.

Not Mad Men.

Not Mad Men.

F the Tyrells. F the Starks. I want to be a member of whatever house this is.

F the Tyrells. F the Starks. I want to be a member of whatever house this is.

"Good-bye, 2015 Emmys. See you at the 2016 Emmys, when we win for best awards show." [Drops mic.]

"Good-bye, 2015 Emmys. See you at the 2016 Emmys, when we win for best awards show." [Drops mic.]

Tags: