The Cloud cannot be stopped: It destroys marriages! It airs dirty laundry! It makes dads feel older than they are! Us Weekly reports that Gwen Stefani discovered Gavin Rossdale was having a three-year affair with their nanny, Mindy Mann, after she found explicit texts, including nude photos and plans for secret trysts, on their family iPad. But you know who wouldn’t have it? The Cloud, devourer of marriages. “The iPad was linked to Gavin’s phone,” a “family source” told Us Weekly. “One of the other nannies discovered the exchange and told Gwen.” (Wait, two nannies, but only one iPad?) The cloud! No marriage is safe!
Unless, we’ve gotten the Cloud all wrong. Maybe the Cloud loves marriage and hates cheating. Contrary to its name, the Cloud wants us to stand in the sun; the Cloud wants us to live our truth. And you know who wouldn’t sleep with your husband, Gavid Rossdale? The Cloud. It can’t. It’s just a bunch of microchips or something — either way, it definitely doesn’t have a human body. Praise, the Cloud!