We Did It. We Created Chili’s Town®, by Jason Nawara

Yes, Chili’s Town® is here! Located a few short miles west of Iowa City featuring a diverse and piquant menu of the classic dishes that have made the eatery famous, Chili’s Town® is a township with just over nine square miles of landmass filled to the legal brim with Chili’s® restaurants. As many as Iowa zoning laws would allow!

There’s no shortage of jobs in Chili’s Town® because everyone is hiring! We offer a wide variety of benefits to our citizens and workers, which include meal discounts and and competitive pay that’s actually the same as every hiring establishment in town. An equal opportunity employer, Chili’s Town® is always on the lookout for the best and brightest of Chili’s Town®’s disenfranchised youth. Move up the ladder and lead your own Chili’s® for a shift four times a week—you won’t regret it!

When you’re off work, order your next Loaded Potato Soup™ on one of the 20,000 menu tablets securely located around Chili’s Town®. What’s that? Oh, it’s the sweet and impossible to escape aroma of the Quesadilla Explosion Salad™. Or a grease fire. The fire department assigned to our delicious town is likely having serious issues navigating our streets, which are naturally formed out of the giant parking lot Chili’s Town® is built and expanded upon. But oh, those smells! Intoxicating!

And to be clear – that fire wasn’t started by a Molotov Cocktail fashioned from our classic Chili’s® napkins and high quality booze. There is no uprising. We appreciate you asking!

We’re legally required to make you aware that once you cross over into Terlingua, past Mile 3 (where all apps are $3 during Happy Hour at all Mile 3 locations), a world of taste most Chili’s-goers rarely experience will overcome your senses and challenge your resolve. You’re in Chili’s Town® Upper East Side, where our passionate community forms into small groups to protect their territory like a hungry group of coworkers around our Tableside Guac™ or Southwestern Eggrolls™ (two of the great apps available for $3 during Happy Hour at all Mile 3 locations).

They aren’t gangs—they just love their local Chili’s® and their numbers are only growing. There’s no stopping them!

Oh, look at that charming graffiti of an Awesome Blossom™ on what will soon be trendy and overpriced apartments in the somewhat-gentrified Old Timer™ district. RIP Awesome Blossom™! Let’s pour out a Classic Margarita™ for our homey.

Finally, it is recommended that you not cross the railway tracks separating Mile 5 and Mile 6 alone (where everyone can enjoy $5 craft burgers and $6 bottomless pitchers at all participating locations (all the locations are participating)) unless you are armed and prepared for potential combat. After seeing a common theme on our surveys from our fantastic clientele (tell us what YOU think at http://www.eatchilis.com/guest-survey-v-71.html), you may open carry in all of Chili’s Town®. In fact, we suggest you do so. The Lord of Mango Chile Chicken™ Street beyond Mile 6 is fair, but is also known to be quick with severe violence. Show him respect. Those that defy him are tossed without mercy into the pit of Bottomless Tostada Chips™ in his fortress of fajitas.

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We Did It. We Created Chili’s Town®, by Jason Nawara