From now until February 28, every single thing Leonardo DiCaprio does, no matter how small, should be interpreted through the lens of “How Does This Get Leo That Oscar?” Praising Bloodline? He’s just courting the Ben Mendelsohn wing of the actor’s branch. Throwing a Justin Bieber concert? The Canadian vote is stronger than you’d think. Trust us, it all adds up. So how does today’s news that DiCaprio has split from his 25-year-old model girlfriend Kelly Rohrbach fit with this theory? Hold that thought while you look at Variety today, and, hey, what a coincidence — “Baywatch Movie Casts Model Kelly Rohrbach in Pamela Anderson’s Role.” Did Leo dump the next C.J. Parker so she wouldn’t hurt his Oscar chances? Insiders say the couple’s “intense work schedules” led to the “mutual” breakup, but we all know that’s code for “I do not need to be associated with an upcoming Dwayne Johnson–Zac Efron action comedy right now, so don’t even talk to me unless we’re talking about raw bison liver.” The timing is suspicious is all we’re saying. But don’t mind us, we’re just asking questions here.
RIP, Kelleo DiCapribach. Photo: Getty Images