20 questions

Reggie Watts Answers His Own Late Late Show Questions

Photo-Illustration: Vulture and Photos by CBS

Reggie Watts’s questions on The Late Late Show have arguably become as integral to the show as James Corden himself. “Reggie’s Questions”— which range in topic from aliens and comedy to music and sensuality — somehow manage to marry silliness and poignancy, much to the confusion and excitement of the evening’s guests.

But how did it all begin?

“I think the show might have gotten [the idea for questions] from Comedy Bang! Bang!,” Watts told us. “Sometimes Scott Aukerman would turn to me and say, ‘Hey, do you have a question for our guests?’ And I’m pretty sure that was what it was inspired from. Then we started to experiment on the show and realized, Hey, this isn’t so bad, let’s keep doing it.” Here, we turned the table on Watts and had him answer 20 of his Late Late Show questions that he’s asked guests since the show’s debut last March.

Do you believe that artificial intelligence will be the beginning or end of human civilization?
Artificial intelligence is a tool, so it really depends on how we decide to utilize it. But hopefully it’ll be a part of the new age of enlightenment.

If you were an eagle, either a real eagle or a robotic eagle, would you tend to attack people in the evening or in the daylight?
Probably in the daylight, because it would have maximum fear impact.

If you had to choose between muffins, cookies, crackers, crisps, or just a good time inside of a boat, which one would you choose?
I’d definitely have a good time on the inside of a boat.

How have things been lately, and are you still into it?
They’ve been good. Yeah, I’m still into it.

Do you believe that if a person falls down that it’s a bad thing?
No. Unless the result is really catastrophic. But in general I think it’s a good lesson.

When you think about humor, do you think of it as a human capability independent of gender?
Yes, definitely independent of gender. All-inclusive and also independent.

There’s this movement to have electric bikes. What do you think? You think electric bikes are okay?
I think they’re great! I think electric bikes are super cool and really fun.

In a fictional setting, if there were a medium- or large-size monster that was heading down a corridor and you had a choice to go either backwards or run towards it, what would you choose?
I would probably want to run backwards, but for some reason I think it would be better to run towards it.

If you were infinitely tall, would you find that the power would override your judgment and you would destroy everything around you?
I think it would.

If you were given a choice to remove your pancreas permanently or to develop a new line of railroad products, which would you choose?
That’s a hard one because I do love railroads. I’d have to say I’d stick with the pancreas because it’s kind of important.

If you were surrounded by a thousand children who seem to look alike, and they were heading towards you in an ominous way, and you’re real close to a really amazing maze garden, what would you do?
I would say, “Try to catch me if you can, fuckers!” And then I’d run into the maze.

Do you ever imagine yourself in the future committing atrocities that will affect an entire generation of people in a positive way?

If you were able to be a fictional spirit animal, what would you be?
A Cthulhu. It’s an H.P. Lovecraft creature-god that he created. It’s an octopus with a man’s body.

If you were a scarecrow, do you think that you would be effective at scaring crows or other types of avian species away?
I don’t think I would be. I have too great of a foundation for birds.

If you were at an estate sale and you saw an amazing wicker furniture set for outdoor usage that was in fair condition, would you haggle with the people that were officiating for the person who had just passed away, or would you simply turn around and say, “Hey, man, what’s up?”
I would probably just say, “Hey, man, what’s up?” That way I could get a lot of information about how shit’s going down at the estate sale.

If you were camping on a field in a plain in Idaho or Wyoming and you saw a bunch of gophers coming out of holes, slowly making their way to you, and you noticed that they were holding very small knives, what would you do?
I would say, “Try to catch me if you can, fuckers!” And then I’d run away very quickly.

Do you believe that humor is one of the highest forms of enlightenment?

Would you consider living on a submarine if the submarine was headed for someplace very mysterious?
Yeah, if I was with the right crew. [Pauses.] Jack White, Flying Lotus, some kind of a theoretical physicist, and maybe the engineering team behind Tesla.

How many times a week do you think about the nature of consciousness?
Probably five times a week.

If you were a cartoon and you were able to become a three-dimensional person in real life, would you do it?
Oh man, that’s a real tough one. If I had the knowledge of what it was like to be a three-dimensional person, I’d probably stay a cartoon. But I think I’d probably stay a cartoon regardless.

Reggie Watts Answers His Own Late Late Show Qs