Exciting news, boos! The Catch got picked up for a second season, which means we’ll get more sexy intrigue, more cons, and more shipping! I mean, Val and Agent Dao? Yes, please! Ben and Alice? Obvi. Danny and Sophie? Yes, if he would just ask her out already, but a girl can dream.
Anyway, the point is that ABC answered my prayers and renewed the show, which is great because things are getting so much more juicy. The only thing that prevents me from giving “The Package” a five-star rating? The pointless stunt casting for Nia Vardalos. She’s fantastic, but to have her onscreen for a mere five minutes is a waste. When you have someone of that caliber on your show, the audience naturally assumes that she’ll play a significant role. In this episode, Nia doesn’t. Oh well. The rest of “Package” is great, so let’s get to it, shall we?
We open with Margot and Rhys (thanks for correcting me on the spelling, y’all!), as they talk about their plan: Margot is Alice’s new therapist. This happened simply enough, since M showed to the OG therapist’s office with a check and a gun and basically said, “You choose.” Staying alive was the right choice. (The same cannot be said for the actual John Travolta movie Staying Alive, which should have been called Pay Dem Bills because that’s the only reason why he did this ignorant mess.)
Moving on! It’s clear that Margot is heartbroken. During one of the sessions, when Alice says she’s still hooking up with Ben, Margot probably wants to kill her. Meanwhile, Ben comes up with a plan of his own: He wants Margot to head up their East Coast operation, while he and Reggie handle the West Coast. Margot, now aware of Ben’s love for Alice, asks him point-black why he wants her gone. He doesn’t say anything, but make a face like, “Uh oh.” On the other hand, Rhys is (kind of) down with this plan because it Ben and Margot would officially be rejoining the Kensington Firm. Poor Margot. Ben doesn’t want her and neither does Rhys. I can only imagine what will happen when she finds out her brother killed Felicity. Eep!
On to the con of the week and the Vaughn/Anderson case of the week. Reggie and Ben want to get dope counterfeiter Leah Wells (Vardalos) to work for them, rather than turn state’s evidence and ride off into the sunset. Leah is pretty much flanked by security guards all the time so the mob can’t kill her, but Ben manages to make contact and is like, “Kensington Firm will help you out. You can work for us. All you have to do is sign this form allowing you to be transferred to a different hotel so we can work our magic on getting you out.” Hmm, this seems way too easy. It is! Leah wants to play hardball and has her own list of demands: Kill her former mob boss employer Jordan Hamlin … and reunite her with Paul McCartney. No, not Paul McCartney of Beatles and Wings fame. It’s her dog, which shares the same name and has been impounded since Leah’s been under police custody. If they don’t agree, she’ll alert everyone to the Kensington Firm’s plans.
Riiiiiiight, but does Leah actually think they would let her stay alive if she tried to snitch? I’m all for bargaining, but she’s being ridiculous here. Rhys is a stone-cold killer! Anyway, when Ben reports back the demands, Rhys talks it over with Margot, who says, “Just kidnap and threaten the dog.” Brilliant! I’m saying that in the way that British people are always calling things “brilliant” because this is a really good plan.
Real quick about Ben and Alice. She’s like, “If you’re not going to help me bring down the Kensington Firm, stay out of my house.” He counters, telling her saying that Kensington is hella dangerous and that she won’t be able to take them down. They own him and he’s afraid for her safety. She says she has a gun, so don’t worry. Listen, Alice. Your outfits and hair are amazing. You are crafty, but Kensington is not a group that can be taken down by one person, so maybe listen to Ben? Maybe don’t try and do everything all by yourself because you’re on a #IDontNeedAMan kick? Ay-yi-yi.
What’s going on at Vaughn and Anderson? Well, the case of the week gives me major douche chills. Sophie’s good friend and former bandmate Kelsey (wait, Soph can sing? Great, this will only make Danny crush on her harder. She’s too perfect!) wants to get out of her trifling contract, but the record company isn’t budging. Oh, is a fictionalized version of what’s going on with Kesha? Oh wait, it’s not the same. But it’s still super gross. It turns out that the head of the record company, Nathan, is a snake. He drew up the contracts to guarantee that he owns everything happens on his property. So, when Vaughn/Anderson find out he filmed Kelsey having sex with another artist on his property, they are LIVID. What kind of sick mofo does that? He plans to leak the sex tape, which will get tons of press attention, which will lead to booming record sales once they release Kelsey’s album.
NOOOO! Poor Kelsey! This is awful and apparently legal because of that dang contract. Sometimes the law freakin’ sucks, kids. Nathan carries on with his plan. After he leaks the sex tape, Kelsey’s album skyrockets up the charts. Devastated from the psychological trauma of being violated like this, Kelsey says can’t take it anymore and slits her wrists!
NOOOO, the sequel! This is heartbreaking! Thankfully, she doesn’t die.
When Alice isn’t dealing with this case, she’s busying spilling the beans to Margot. She breaks down the entire relationship and even calls him Ben. Oh shit. “Double shit,” as Bridget Jones would say, because now Margot and Rhys wonder what else Ben told Alice. The brother-sister duo decide that Ben is actually the bigger threat, too. Then there’s the matter of Agent Dao and Valerie. He wants to date her and she’s still trying to avoid him. Girl, date the man. He’s cute and will treat you a heck of a lot better than your ex-hubby did.
Back to the sex tape terribleness. Alice’s team finds out that the boy Kelsey slept with was a few weeks shy of 17, so they hit Nathan with an underage pornography lawsuit! Yes! Sometimes the law is awesome, kids. Kelsey wonders what she should do next (anything you want, boo!) and because she’s not blind, she sends Danny a tape of Sophie singing. Even though it’s some Zooey Deschanel ukulele nonsense, but Danny is officially in love! It’s all very cute. They need to date already.
All that’s left is the matter of this con. After Ben and Reggie successfully threaten Leah, she signs the paper. She’s allowing herself to be moved to different hotel; she’s basically working for Kensington now. Hooray! Except Dao and Alice catch wind of the transfer, so they bring feds to the hotel. Most people would be like, “Abort, abort.” Not Rhys. He says they need to move up their plan to take Leah with them. Uhh…
When they head to Leah’s room, she’s not there and her two guards are knocked out. To make matters worse, Dao and Alice are approaching the exact same room. Crap! Ben and Rhys try to find an escape, but there isn’t one, so Rhys pulls out his gun. LOL. WUT? Dude, you’re outnumbered and outmanned. You think you’re going to just shoot a FBI agent, a PI, and the FBI agents coming for backup? That’s just ignorant. Suddenly, the two guards wake up and aim their guns at Ben and Rhys. (Sidenote: Isn’t this all very confusing?) Moments before Dao and Alice key into the room, Reggie comes racing down the hall, pretending he’s a U.S. Marshal and that Dao and Alice need to leave. Dao complies immediately (this makes no sense, wouldn’t he ask to see identification?), then they walk away. This give Reggie enough time to help Ben and Rhys kill the two dudes in the room and escape. Phew!
Once again, Ben is pissed that Rhys killed people, buuuut Rhys does that all the time. Just let it go before he kills you and Alice, please. Anyway, Reggie, Ben, and Rhys watch the news and learn that Hamlin was killed. Rhys is upset and calls Margot because he knows she killed him. Margot played him: She told Rhys to steal the puppy to ensure that Leah would be distrustful of Kensington. That way, when Margot gave the dog back AND killed Hamlin, Leah would be #TeamMargot. Look, this brother-sister one-upsmanship is going to blow up in their faces. It’s clearly in their best interests to unite. It’s not happening today, though. Rhys tells Margot that she didn’t just steal from her, but from “Mummy” too. Ooh, who do we hope plays Mama Bishop? I say Emma Thompson, even though she’s not really old enough to be their mother. I just love her. Anyway, Rhys is on a tear. When he gets off the phone with Margot, he rips into Ben and threatens Alice’s life. Uh oh.
We end on Alice coming home. And thankfully, she’s not attacked. She finds Ben and Dao inside. Ben goes, “You asked me to choose. I choose you.” YAAAAAS! Marry him, girl! Even though he was super trifling for a year, Ben really loves her. And yes, I realize what I just wrote. Just let me have this fantasy, okay?
Alrighty! What did you think of this episode? Can you believe the season finale is already here? What are your predictions. Let me know in the comment section below!