moving to canada is for pussies

Donald Sutherland, Comic Relief of the Cannes Jury, Has Your New Go-to Joke About Canadians

Jury Photocall - The 69th Annual Cannes Film Festival
Photo: George Pimentel/Getty Images

When your friends threaten to emigrate to Canada if Trump becomes president, do you kind of think they’re insane? So they have a hot, enlightened prime minister and the undeniable deliciousness of Tim Horton breakfast sandwiches. But it’s also cold! And you have to apologize for everything, even when someone else shoulder bumps you on the street. But if you’re running out of ways to argue against moving north, Canada’s own thespian son Donald Sutherland — who said all three of the only funny things uttered at today’s press conference with members of the Cannes Film Festival Jury —  provided a pretty convincing argument for how annoying it would be to live there. 

Asked by a Canadian journalist if he thinks Canada has a national cinema, Sutherland first threw the guy off by complaining for the third time about how the air conditioning was flowing right down his back. Then he replied:

I kind of gave up talking about Canadian cinema a long time ago. There’s a famous story of a British soldier and a French soldier and a Canadian soldier who were captured in the process of the war and sent to be shot by firing squad, but they were each given an opportunity to have a last wish. The Brit asked for a cup of tea, the Canadian asked for 15 minutes to talk about Canadian identity, and the Frenchman asked to be shot before the Canadian.

He paused for dramatic effect, before announcing, “I’m still freezing. Seriously. Right down my back!” Then again, maybe you could put up with laborious discussions of what it means to be Canadian if you could bring Donald Sutherland with you.

Donald Sutherland Has Your New Go-to Canada Joke