What if Ellen DeGeneres only pursued comedy, became a sitcom star, and assumed her throne as America’s daytime TV sweetheart in order to obtain access to celebrities to freak them out? How satisfying their beautiful screams must be to Ellen. Their smooth, perfectly symmetrical faces twisted in shock and horror. If this was a Marvel movie, Chris Evans and Elizabeth Olsen would have to wail on Ellen for scaring them with a faux Iron Man. But it’s not, so they didn’t. Ellen continues to sate her depraved longing. Chaos reigns.