Patton Oswalt Reflects on His Grief After His Wife Michelle McNamara’s Death and Promises Her Book Will Come Out

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Michelle McNamara, who died suddenly earlier this year, will have her book published, thanks to the efforts of her husband, Patton Oswalt. In a Facebook post Monday, Oswalt promised that he is working on her “amazing unfinished book” about the Golden State Killer. “With a lot of help from some very amazing people. It will come out,” Oswalt wrote. “I will let you know. It’s all her. We’re just taking what’s there and letting it tell us how to shape it. It’s amazing.”

Oswalt also reflected on the 102 days that have passed since McNamara’s death, and the continuing effects of grief:

If you spend 102 days completely focused on ONE thing you can achieve miracles. Make a film, write a novel, get MMA ripped, kick heroin, learn a language, travel around the world. Fall in love with someone. Get ‘em to love you back. 

But 102 days at the mercy of grief and loss feels like 102 years and you have shit to show for it. You will not be physically healthier. You will not feel “wiser.” You will not have “closure.” You will not have “perspective” or “resilience” or “a new sense of self.” You WILL have solid knowledge of fear, exhaustion and a new appreciation for the randomness and horror of the universe. And you’ll also realize that 102 days is nothing but a warm-up for things to come.”

“And I’m going to start telling jokes again soon,” Oswalt writes near the end of his post. “And writing. And acting in stuff and making things I like and working with friends on projects and do all the stuff I was always so privileged to get to do before the air caught fire around me and the sun died. It’s all I knew how to do before I met Michelle.”

Patton Oswalt on Grief After His Wife’s Death