See, this is exactly the kind of partisan infighting that will guarantee none of the Elder Gods ever make it on a major-party ticket. Author Stephen King tweeted Monday, “Breaking News: Reliable sources reveal that Donald Trump is actually Cthulhu. The absurd hairdo isn’t absurd at all. It hides the tentacles.” Cthulhu, either a fictional deity created by writer H.P. Lovecraft or one of an ancient race of omnipotent beings born before the existence of calculable time, swiftly issued a denial. Waking from some kind of eternal death that is not death from his city of stone R’lyeh, Cthulhu’s official campaign Twitter/parody account claims that, despite the fact that looking upon either of them could drive a human being mad, he is much less petty than Donald Trump. Too bad. While everything we know about Cthulhu comes from the incoherent scribblings of the perverse or insane, those non-Euclidean geometries could have been a huge help sorting out this mess of an election year.