McDonald’s may have put the final nail in the friendly clown coffin. The fast-food giant announced this week that Ronald McDonald, the last good clown in all the world, will not be used for public appearances, at least temporarily. He also will most definitely not be running out of the woods at dusk and snatching your baby, so if someone does, don’t bother to call their corporate headquarters. McDonald’s made the decision to be “thoughtful in respect to Ronald McDonald’s participation in community events” due to “the current climate around clown sightings in communities,” meaning the nation’s children will now be left to psychologically grapple with the existence of a Grimace. No word on how long the classic mascot will be on the sidelines, though it will presumably be until people dressed up as clowns stop lingering in ditches outside apartment complexes just to scare people. In the meantime, Ronald McDonald can enjoy a nice relaxing vacation in his home, which is presumably the sewer.
Lay low, Ronald.