If the arc of human history does indeed bend towards progress, then the subsequent news should hit as inevitable: Your new Colonel Sanders is a hottie. Inheriting a mantle once held by Darrell Hammond, Norm Macdonald, and Jim Gaffigan, Vincent Kartheiser is the latest KFC frontman, “heartthrob” edition. In a statement about landing the big account, your erstwhile Pete Campbell said: “Like KFC’s Nashville Hot Chicken, I’m a bit of a rebel decked out in authentic Nashville flavor — a perfect combination of classic and cool.” Yup, declaring yourself a rebel is classic rebel talk. In its new “heartthrob Nashville Hot Colonel,” KFC says they looked for “a young actor with lots of hair and flair,” and boy did they find it in a 37-year-old man whose hair has nothing notable going on whatsoever. His “vintage good looks and piercing blue eyes” also helped win him the part; in other news, KFC, my dude, get a grip. Sexy Colonel Sanders probably still won’t win Don Draper’s love and affection, but cheer up, Pete: At least you get to wear a wig.