President The Rock Johnson.
On the one hand, The Rock isn’t exactly the hero American democracy needs right now. On other hand, he is … here. The actor, who famously spoke at the Republican National Convention, told Vanity Fair at a recent Moana press conference that he wouldn’t rule out the prospect of a run for the White House in 2020. “It would be a great opportunity to help people, so it’s possible,” he said. “This past election shows that anything can happen.” Now, given that Dwayne Johnson isn’t exactly an expert on national security, international relations, or the economy, we can’t help but point out that this is not a good idea. But considering that he probably wouldn’t hire a known anti-Semite as a key advisor or promise innumerable violations of both American law and basic decency, you know what, why not vote for him? We can’t wait to cover his 2020 race against Democratic nominee Kanye West with whatever shreds of the journalistic apparatus are still available to us.