It’s the most wonderful time of the year: the time when the bios of the next season’s crop of Bachelor contestants is released. This year featured some classic tropes, like working The Notebook into totally unrelated questions, infantilizing and baffling “favorite movie” choices, sad past relationship stories, tattoo regrets, and some not-so-subtle ABC cross-promotion. But this year’s prime, beautiful example of the unbearable basic-ness of The Bachelor contestants is all the freaking dolphin lovers. Look, we all wanted to be marine biologists at some point in our lives and maybe even occasionally daydreamed of long kayak trips with killer whales, but that does not excuse this string of answers from various contestants:
* If you could be any animal, which would you be and why? A dolphin because they are so cute and smart and they get to live in such a beautiful environment, under the sea! — Lauren, 30
* If you could be any animal, which one and why? Dolphin so I could breathe underwater, do flips and be cute. — Briana, 28
* If you could be any animal, which one and why? Dolphin, so I could rescue lost sailors and swim in the ocean doing tricks. — Astrid, 26
* If you could be any animal, which one and why? Dolphin. They are playful and sociable and live in family groups. — Angela, 26
* If you could be any animal, which one and why? Dolphin or dog. I love the ocean and dogs are very active! — Alexis, 23
The last one is from Alexis, whose occupation is listed as “Aspiring Dolphin Trainer.” She’s pictured above as a shark, sworn enemy of the dolphin.