Attention Icelandic singles: Björk is on the market. In her new Dazed cover story, she’s revealed that her mysterious, just-announced next album will tackle subject matter with the potential to be even more tragic than the dissolution of the relationship she mourned on her last album. Don’t look now, but Björk’s been swiping right. “This is like my Tinder album,” she explains. Tinder! Album! She continues: “I set myself up with the last album being a heartbreak album, so everyone’s gonna be like, ‘Are you married?’ with this one. But … it’s too fragile still. I think, if I could, I’d just say this is my dating album. Let’s just leave it there.” But Björk, a mere visitor among us earthlings, appears to be looking for love in the most hopeless place this planet has to offer. “It’s about that search [for utopia] — and about being in love,” she says. “Spending time with a person you enjoy on every level is obviously utopia, you know? I mean, it’s real. It’s when the dream becomes real.”
Three seconds spent on Tinder will tell anyone utopia is the last thing you’d discover on that godforsaken app. But for the sake of Björk’s happiness — and sanity — we’ve taken it upon ourselves to play matchmaker and give her profile a deserved signal boost. Behold: Björk’s completely authentic Tinder bios. And please, serious inquiries only.