Liam Gallagher’s Latest Slew of Insults, Ranked From Least to Most Absurd

The insult machine himself. Photo: Mark Horton/WireImage

It’s become common knowledge that Liam Gallagher, former front man of Oasis, rarely minces his words. In the latest profile of Gallagher from Noisey, Gallagher uses “fuck” or “fuckin’” over a hundred times (we’re not kidding), and hurls a slew of insults targeted at everything from his brother — shocker — to Jay-Z to trains. For your convenience, here are some of Gallagher’s best barbs, ranked from least to most absurd:

7. On his brother Noel:

Listen, he’s got his issues and I’ve got my issues. He don’t like me, I don’t like him. Blah blah fuckin’ blah. He stitched me up with Oasis. I was the one left to carry the fuckin’ blame, and that’s it. He went, “Fuck this, I want a solo career.” He fuckin’ set a few booby traps and I got fuckin’ collared with it. So as far as I’m concerned, you can fuck off. He didn’t just end it because we were in Paris and we had a ding-dong. You stitched me up and you can fuck off, you cunt. I’m your fuckin’ brother. People go, “Oh you’re jealous.” I’m not. I’m living in the fuckin’ real world. I’ve got my kids, I’ve got my rock’n’roll, I’ve got my vibe.

What about [the Oasis lyric] “I ain’t good lookin’ but I’m someone’s child…”?

Well, I don’t know about that. You can tell he wrote that one, can’t ya? Even when I sing it I’m going, “Not too sure about that one …”

6. On the state of rock music:

I’m not arsed about fuckin’ dance music and reggae. Well, reggae’s alright. But there’s too many so-called rock’n’roll bands in England getting away with fuckin’ murder. They should be ashamed of the shit the put out. They need fuckin’ shooting.

Like who?

I’m not gonna say names. They’ve got the tools to make guitar music great and they’re just fuckin’ doing it half-arsed. They’ve got one foot in the fuckin’ dance world and one foot in the fuckin’ guitar world and they’re just seeing which one fuckin’ bites. They’re there with their fuckin’ keyboards and whistles and shit. If you’re going to do “guitar music” you have to put a fuckin’ guitar on a record. Put the fucker in. Stop wearing it like it’s a fuckin’ necklace.

5. On the English government’s response to terrorism:

“Don’t Look Back in Anger?” You should look back in fuckin’ anger. You should be fuckin’ kicking off, you should be finding out why these fuckin’ things are going on fire. People should be pissed off because we’re getting fuckin’ shafted. Your kids can’t go to a gig these days without getting fuckin’ beheaded or something. It’s fuckin’ out of order. The people that we put in governments know why this fuckin’ shit’s happening and they should deal with it. We’re just walking around like fuckin’ chickens while they’re going, “London’s open for fuckin’ sale.” Fuck off, mate. Sort it out.

4. On solo artists, specifically Harry Styles:

[T]he majority of solo stars are cunts. The ones that split bands up because they need their egos fuckin’ stroked are the biggest cunts. If someone said to me, “OK, get Oasis back or go solo?” I’d get Oasis back. There’s not enough bands out there. There’s far too many fuckin’ solo stars. It’s shit. This is the last fuckin’ roll of the dice for me. For me to go and get another band back together it’d only be compared to Oasis anyway, so what’s the fuckin’ point?

I heard [Harry Styles’s solo single “Sign of the Times”] and thought, “Bit fuckin’ dramatic for a young man.” I know he’s been in this big band and all that but that’s still a fuckin’ bubble you’re in. He’s not had much of a fuckin’ life, has he? I thought, “Chill out, you cunt.”

3. On Jay-Z:

In JAY-Z’s new record he’s apologising to Beyonce, gone full confessional. The album begins with a track called “Kill Jay Z” where he’s denouncing his former persona.

Oh god. Is that a concept album? I’m not interested in that. You can just imagine, can’t you? Someone’s been sat there in a big fuckin’ office and gone, “That’s how we’re gonna do it.” Nah.

You’re not into the idea of getting more introspective as you grow older?

But a whole fuckin’ album of it? Fuck me. That should be left to your fuckin’ psychiatric fuckin’ chair, innit? Sum it all up in one song. The whole fuckin’ record? I’m not having that.

2. On cars and trains:

Everything’s fuckin’ shit. Even the cars. Look out there now [he points out the window]. See these cars? They look like they took fuckin’ $2, 20 minutes to make, like they came straight out of a Kinder Egg. Even the buildings. Everything! Even the seats on fuckin’ trains, man. They’re like ironing boards. This is supposed to be fuckin’ first class. Fuckin’ like sitting on a fuckin’ ironing board for two hours.

1. On the ocean:

I can’t swim, man. I had an accident when I was a young kid in some mad thing round our way. I can swim in a pool a bit but when it gets to that deep bit I gotta come back. And fuck the sea. I ain’t going in that. Fuck that, mate. That ain’t meant for us. That’s meant for the sharks, and the jellyfish, tadpoles and stuff. But a hot tub? I’m alright in a hot tub. Can hang about in there for a bit.

Liam Gallagher’s Latest Slew of Insults, Ranked by Absurdity