After a quick trip to Iraq and Malibu, we’re back to your regularly scheduled programming. And in season 14 of Grey’s Anatomy, that means lots of surgeries, jokes, sexy times, patients inspiring doctors, and a boating excursion. Anybody else loving this season?
While all the boys (sans Webber) take a sick day to booze it up, have dorky man contests like Who Can Tie the Most Knots in a Minute, and discuss who is and who is definitely not considered someone’s sister on the yacht that Jackson bought that morning when Alex suggested it, the ladies are taking over Grey Sloan. As it should always be.
Two ladies in particular are having a very weird day. The first is that 18-year-old girl who is brought in after having some issues while visiting her boyfriend in prison. When a gun goes off and the girl is shot in the stomach, April’s arm is grazed with the bullet, and a hypochondriac with a standing reservation at Grey Sloan gets hit in the femoral artery, Arizona figures out that the gun in question is actually in the girl’s vagina. She was attempting to smuggle it into the prison for her boyfriend. Love makes people so dumb.
Not much really comes from the case, but it is hilarious and it means that Arizona gets to say, “DID YOU PUT A GUN IN YOUR VAGINA?!” Also, Maggie gets to call a vagina a “holster,” Bailey uses the phrase “a gun in the oven,” and Webber has to inquire what a gun-gina is. We all know what it is. See what I mean about this season having jokes?
The story line also leads Arizona to lay down some harsh truths on the girl, who is brave enough smuggle a gun into a prison via her vagina (I’m sorry, it’s just too fun not to write as much as possible), but not brave enough to dump her convict boyfriend WHO ASKED HER TO SMUGGLE A GUN INTO A PRISON VIA HER VAGINA. Arizona, you see, is getting anxious about Sofia returning to Seattle and the fact that one day Sofia will be a teenager, but after watching AZ handle this girl, April assures her friend that she will be an excellent mother to a teenager.
The other, more important lady having a weird day is Meredith. But first, when we talk about Meredith having a weird day, we need to stipulate if we are referring to a Normal Human Weird Day or a Meredith Grey Weird Day because there was literally one day when she held a bomb inside a human body. So, Meredith’s Normal Human Weird Day begins with her precious queen face gracing the cover of an esteemed medical journal for her paper on Megan Hunt’s surgery. Meredith is kicking ass and taking names. Everyone is super pumped for her, except maybe for Jackson, who is still grumpy over the fact that he can’t put his name on that paper or else it becomes ineligible for the Harper Avery (hence, the boat purchase). Everyone else is basking in Meredith’s sunshine, but Mer doesn’t let it get to her head because she has an equally interesting case happening right in front of her.
Meet Judge Jeffrey King. He is handsome, charming without being smarmy, and his life’s work is fighting for justice in domestic-violence cases. Oh, and he’s a widower. So, yes, we know immediately that this guy is a goner. He is too good for this world, and especially too good to survive the hellscape that is Grey Sloan Memorial. Unfortunately, Meredith doesn’t know this and we have to watch her attempt a risky surgery to save his life.
Because Judge King doesn’t qualify for a liver transplant — even though he desperately needs one — Meredith and Jo decide to perform an ALPPS procedure. It’ll be the first one done on the West Coast. Yes, it’s true, Meredith is a rockstar.
She’s also a very good friend. Alex asks her to be nice to Jo — “not Meredith nice, real nice” — since Jo is still feeling down about not being able to put her name on the Megan Hunt paper due to, you know, her husband tracking her down and possibly murdering her. So, Meredith is very nice to Jo. Too nice. Creepily nice. Like, when Jo does something highly unethical by telling Judge King that she would sign the papers to have the ALPPS procedure even though it is insanely risky because she wouldn’t want to wonder what would happen if only she had been a little bit braver, Meredith doesn’t yell at her. Eventually, after the procedure goes well, Jo calls Meredith out. Meredith tells Jo that Alex asked her to be nice because Alex loves Jo, but also that Jo is an excellent doctor and she deserves to be on this case. I wasn’t lying when I said it was a weird day.
Once the judge is in recovery, Jo uses the time to ask him about her options when it comes to her husband. Unfortunately, his response is just as Jo feared: There’s not much she can do to protect herself. If she wants to divorce him, he will find out where she is. Most people in Jo’s situation chose to take the risk anyway, attempting to find a way out rather than run and hide their whole lives. Judge King is a nice man. So, when he throws a clot and dies post-surgery, it’s terrible.
Meredith has no time to mourn — even though she does look very upset at the loss — because Webber whisks her away to the New Intern Welcome Mixer so she can receive a roomful of applause. They’ve just learned that Meredith has been nominated for the Harper Avery Award.
Meredith is happy, but at the moment, this seems to be a low priority. (And is working at Grey Sloan still a conflict like it was for Cristina, or … ?) Instead, both Jo and Meredith have been inspired by their time with Judge King. Jo — who is on her way to becoming Chief Resident, btw — tells Alex that she wants to be a little more brave, so she is going to file for divorce. (Matthew Morrison, we await your arrival.) Meredith shows Bailey six more patients like Judge King, because she wants to perform the ALPPS procedure again. She’s going to save their lives. It’s all so empowering! Watching Meredith navigate her love life is always fun, but Grey’s Anatomy really shines when it reminds us that Meredith Grey is a badass surgeon.
Oh, Jackson also ends the episode feeling very inspired: After his day drinking on his yacht, he’s tapped back into his competitive spirit, and it feels good. He wants to get back into the surgical game. Therefore, he’s giving Bailey half of his inheritance so that she can fund a new surgical competition. He swears it’s not just another Harper Avery, but, um, it sure sounds like one. Also, isn’t there still a conflict of interest? Has Jackson just spent too much time out in the sun?
Laughter Is the Best Medicine, Except for Real Medicine
• Amelia performs her first surgery post-tumor and has hot hate sex with her mentor-slash-surgeon Tom. Owen feels free post-Amelia and cannot resist an Italian accent and a woman whose specialty is “orgasms,” so he hooks up with Carina DeLuca (who split with Arizona since AZ has to deal with her daughter returning, don’t worry it’s not cheating).
• Andrew DeLuca is now 0 for 2 when it comes to his sister hooking up with his roommates, since he just made plans to move into Owen’s house. Poor DeLuca! His luck doesn’t seem to be changing, especially since that hot new intern Sam shows up, and those two clearly have a history.
• “What are you all doing, standing around, leaning against things? This is a hospital.” Miranda Bailey has no time for all the single lady doctor Tindering … until she does. Let the woman swipe for you, Mags!
• Ben announces to the guys that he was accepted to the Fire Training Academy: “The only thing I’ve been more sure of in my life was marrying Miranda Bailey … but please don’t tell her.” Their pure delight in wanting to be there when Ben finally does tell Bailey is perfect.
• Drunk Alex walking in on Webber’s speech to the new interns is all of us: “Wow, he’s so good at speeches.”
Sob Scale: 1/10
It was sad to lose Judge King, but its predictability softened the blow. If I’m being honest, the one point is in honor of King’s assistant, who most definitely went home and sobbed in the shower for a while. We’ve all been there, Ponytail.