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Is James Spader the Best Storyteller in Late-Night TV?

Last night, James Spader — of Blacklist, Boston Legal, fedora, and ’80s heartthrob fame — did what any NBC procedural lead would do while contractually obligated to promote his show: He went on a late-night program and talked about his life. But unlike other Big Three procedural actors who hop from couch to couch on the late-night circuit with tepid anecdotes about, we don’t know, fan encounters and charcuteries, Spader continued his tradition of sharing the most bizarrely wonderful tales tucked away in his mind palace for the country’s enjoyment. At his preferred Tonight Show stomping grounds, this time around, he went on a winding tale about the highs and lows of his 20-year quest to stop smoking. “I even resented everyone that was happy,” he explained, deadpan. “If people were saying that they might want to quit, I’d try to talk them out of it.”

These delightful Spader-cdotes have become somewhat of a late-night tradition in recent years — in 2016, he fondly recalled to Jimmy Fallon about how much he enjoyed pranking the Secret Service while attending boarding school. (You know, because he was pals with John F. Kennedy Jr.) Or what about the time he threw up at a fancy dinner with the Kennedys? At least Jackie O. seemed chill about it.

And who could possibly forget his entry into the “worst West Village neighbor of all time” competition? Sorry, we mean “best.”

A true national treasure, ladies and gentlemen.

Is James Spader the Best Storyteller in Late-Night TV?