vulture investigates

Alec Baldwin Doesn’t Know How to Eat or, at Minimum, Doesn’t Know What Eating Looks Like

On Saturday Night Live this past weekend, Alec Baldwin phoned it in. Sorry, Alec Baldwin phoned in, to Fox & Friends, as Donald Trump, that is. But this wasn’t just another appearance of Baldwin’s award-winning impersonation of a full-time SNL character. Something truly shocking happened! A staggering revelation revealed itself: Baldwin doesn’t know how to eat food.

He doesn’t know how to drink either.

Now, the way he’s holding the can is probably meant to look like the way Trump gracefully grips a water bottle, but the straw work, and the fact that no liquid flies up it as though it were a vacuum tube at a bank, suggests something more sinister at play: Alec Baldwin doesn’t know how to use a straw. This, plus the whole not-being-able-to-eat thing, is a staggering revelation.

Okay, but is there another example?


Yeah, but when you Google “Alec Baldwin eating” there are photos of him munching down on a real New York dawg and of him eating a salad wearing a hands-free headset and of him holding a little white puppy like as though it were a baby, which doesn’t have anything to do with eating, but worth seeking out later.

Hmm. Fake news? Or maybe these are just older photos and when he was on that New York Magazine cover with the headline “I Give Up,” he meant he gave up eating, and drinking from straws. Maybe he does know how to eat, but just doesn’t know how to pretend to eat. NYU doesn’t list an “Eating in Sketch Comedy” class, so that seems like proof. That’s probably it.

Here’s the GIF again but now with words case closed overlaid on top.

Does Alec Baldwin Not Know How to Eat?