The Real Housewives of Atlanta
This show really doesn’t work when the ladies all get along, does it? It certainly doesn’t work when they’re all pretending to get along to avoid conflict. I mean, we have an episode where Porsha and Mama Joyce sit down and have a peaceful lunch with some brussels sprouts and no one’s wig is snatched off. What is happening here? Who is interested in this? I hope they’re all going to get into some fun in Barcelona because otherwise the rest of this season will be a snoozefest.
It’s still the night of Kandi’s magazine party and Porsha is revealing the last bit of information on Will. Porsha heard that Will is an opportunist and he’s currently dating someone else. Cynthia says that since she’s started dating Will, her friends have had opinions about him and she’s always defended him. If you start dating someone and one of your friends won’t stop talking shit, you probably got a hater for a friend. If all your friends say something, your boyfriend ain’t shit.
After Will whisks Cynthia away, Kim stands around talking about how everyone said her relationship wasn’t gonna work, but look at her now, 100 kids later and happy. Well, Kim, your husband’s main job is sitting in the car while you get drunk.
In the car home, Will asks Cynthia what the big problem is. She tells him that people are saying that he’s an opportunist. His answer is, “What opportunity am I gonna get?”
That’s the wrong answer.
If you asked your boyfriend, “Are you cheating on me?” and he answered with, “Who would I cheat with?” You’d be like, “This chump is cheating on me.” When a man answers your question with a question of his own, guess what? He’s on some shit. And the answer to “What opportunity am I gonna get?” is easy: You’re on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. You’re on national television. You were apparently on The Steve Harvey Show wearing a ridiculous beard. You like to be on television. Cynthia, of course, is more focused on him being offended than really getting to the bottom of the question. Will tells her that he isn’t seeing anyone and Cynthia’s dumb ass buys it.
Porsha heads to lunch with Mama Joyce and Mama Joyce is uncharacteristically pleasant. She just wants to know the truth of the whole Phaedra thing. Porsha couldn’t have thought it was true. She tries to play it off like she believed her friend. It’s one thing to believe what someone tells you, but it’s another thing to go around telling the lie to the person it’s about. You could have just gotten the info from Phaedra, believed it, and not hung out with Kandi again. Instead, you threw it in Kandi’s face like you believed it was true. Mama Joyce is still mad at Phaedra for introducing Kandi to Todd and the whole … y’know, drugging and raping thing. Porsha and Mama Joyce reach a peace and Mama Joyce encourages Porsha to reach out to Kandi. I’m sure that will go well.
Before we come back from the commercial break, there is a FUNDAMENTALLY WEIRD Black Panther commercial. It puts Melissa from RHONJ and Gizelle from RHOP in the background of the casino scene and posits that they were there in the background as they react to the fight sequences and catcall T’Challa.
WHO IS THIS FOR? My mom? I’m pretty sure my mom would go to Black Panther already and wouldn’t need the endorsement of the Real Housewives. What if someone goes to Black Panther and they think they’re going to see Real Housewives? Who. Is. This. For.
Moving on. NeNe gets together with Cynthia at a steakhouse. Cynthia starts talking shit about NeNe before the waiter is done finishing their orders. Do you think the waiter just walked away or waited until they were done bickering?
NeNe warns Cynthia not to be so protective and trusting when it comes to men because men are trash. Cynthia proposes a trip so she can cool off her boy-crazy ways and get in some girl time. She suggests … Barcelona! Eva is invited for contractual reasons and why not invite Kim and Marlo too? NeNe starts giving everyone Spanish names, but she refuses to give one to Kim and just calls her “Dumb Dumb with a Wig” instead.
Kenya heads to the doctor when her cousin arrives. Her cousin doesn’t even know what they’re doing there. Is she holding open the speculum? Kenya is six weeks late. Ooooooooooh, Kenya. Alright, honey. I’m just gonna let you be excited because you’re clearly setting up for your exit from the show and this is all you’ve wanted. I’m also going to let you insist that you and your husband are banging twice a day even though you don’t live together. Kenya does a urine test and a blood test. She’s had some issues with her fertility, but sure, the 46-year-old woman with the husband living across the country is pregnant. She’s not going on the Barcelona trip because she has to wait on her blood-test results because her urine test was inconclusive.
Cynthia decides to go out for dinner with Peter because she’s a glutton for punishment. She wants to know why Peter didn’t say hi to her at Kandi’s party while she was with Will. Um … because you’re divorced, Cynthia? She asks Peter for advice and he tells her just to listen to what her friends are saying. Cynthia clearly wants too much from her ex-husband and wants to keep their relationship flirty and open in case things fall apart in a little bit.
It’s time for Porsha’s No Beef Vegan Dinner, another complicated party name and theme. The dress code is boho chic because … it is. Porsha is wearing an all-white off-the-shoulder bandage dress. Very boho chic. Marlo is the first to arrive and she makes herself at home by sampling all the dishes. Shereé shows up and she’s followed by Kim with another red cup while Kroy sits in the driveway with 13 of their children. Shamea is there just trying to get that peach.
They’re all doing shots and enjoying a hookah when the conversation turns to Cynthia, so they’re all talking about how naïve and trusting Cynthia is when she finally arrives. A hush falls over the crowd as she walks in. Marlo tries to get some info out of Cynthia about the whole situation and Shamea asks if Peter’s presence was making her a little shaky. They all immediately think that Cynthia is still in love with Peter. (She is.)
Enough of that. It’s time to discuss the Barcelona trip, but an all-out war breaks out between Marlo and Kim over Kroy’s invite. It’s a girls’ trip! Kroy shouldn’t be invited on principle! It’s all left up in the air.
Cut to the packing montage for the trip. Gregg spills some wine on himself while he’s watching NeNe pack and he wipes it up with a pillow. Porsha and Shereé are heading to the airport together. NeNe and Cynthia are riding to the airport together. Kim isn’t going to make the trip and she can’t bear to be without him.
Hopefully, they’ll get into some trouble in Barcelona to make this interesting. Don’t let me down, ladies.